1-year... And starting!!

Well, we’re here… It’s been exactly one-year since we stepped away from all we ever knew as adults.  After 12+ years in full-time vocational ministry we knew we needed a season off (Click here to read the original post), but even then we had no clue how bad!!

 The long story short is we essentially uprooted our former life and rearranged it until we found our new normal.  So much has happened this year... Lots of highs with our little family and even more lows from all over.  We have all grown in ways we didn't know were needed or necessary.  We have lost a lot both emotionally and physically but in weird and interesting ways gained new things.  Like I said, that's the short story... Still want more!?  Then keep reading.

We have come a long way.  And honestly, I sat down to write so many times over the months.  Some of the posts I kept and maybe I'll post them at some point because I think they could be helpful to others.  But some of those posts just needed to be trashed (and were, everything does not always have to be said... new lesson for me)!

So if you're still reading let me take you back to the beginning.  As of August 1st 2014, I was a husband, father and man without a job for the first time, in maybe... ever!?  And let me tell you, the first month was amazing!!  With all that extra time (Court working full-time with a dynamite Adoption attorney and all three of the kids going to school, Click here for that first post) I started several things I had always wondered about but never jumped on:

Trying out to be a Police Officer (Oh yeah, fitness test, agility test, intelligence test, psych test, department interview, etc.).  With dozens of other applicants I was pretty concerned but some how made it through and sent off to C.L.E.E.T.  After graduation in April I started patrolling the evenings (11p-3a) with an FTO for my Field Training, which if I do my math right, I'll be done in 2024 (Kidding on the year but seriously it's 540 total hours, it takes awhile).  Recently, I decided to not pursue police work in a full-time capacity, which was definitely on the radar, but remain in a Reserve Officer capacity with the department.  I love being a part of the brotherhood we call "the thin blue line" (And being able to say: I'M BATMAN)!!

Starting my own LLC (Surge Leadership) and began speaking "full-time".  Though this was slower than I expected, we met a lot of new people and places I had never (to be honest) thought about.  We really thought '10 Things' was the direction people would want but in the end, by default, I was able to develop a fun assembly style message on Social Media.  It all started in a small school in western Oklahoma and then all of the sudden I was visiting places all over (Some I had heard of and others that I hadn't).  With a pretty full August and September, we are having fun with 'To #Selfie or Not to #Selfie'!  

Working with even more teens as a study hall supervisor and creating a new "thing" we called: the Leadership Coach.  In the end both were exactly what we needed to both fill some gaps in time each day but more importantly giving us more vision for the future.  Thus, I checked with the state board of education and found out that all I needed to do to get my teaching certificate was pass two tests (since I had only not completed my student teaching during my undergrad).  With that in my tool belt I began looking at new full-time options (University of Tulsa, Bixby Public Schools, etc.) but knew we were missing the bigger picture.

Through all three of these avenues I was able to gain new opportunities for learning, growing, ministry, and serving.  And looking back, each one was an absolute necessity in the steps towards the dream (the cool part is I still get to be involved in ALL of them).  This is a great spot to say that Courtney has stayed super busy with opportunity after opportunity to impact the lives of both children and families through adoption (literally hundreds this year).  The kids are all doing well and loving summer (Court & I are currently coaching all three different basketball teams right now) but ready to dive back into school and friends and activities and schedules.  The doctor said that Jackson will be taller than me when he gets older... Which I don't doubt but crazy that I have a 10-year old (The Agoge begins now)!!  Creighton is the fastest girl I know and continues to make me laugh because she just kicks the ball (in soccer) or throws the ball (in basketball) down the field/court and then just legs it out past everyone!!  Charleigh has gotten very picking about food, clothes and anything else but still loves cuddling with me and is always my first hug and kiss when I get home!!  

So here we are (If you're still with us)... And I'm so excited to tell you about what I have been working on for a very long time.  Though the original concept came out of a meeting years ago, it has evolved bigger and bigger each day.  As of today, Surge Leadership has just launched its newest arm called THE SPARTAN CODE.  At first glance it's a leadership curriculum that we implemented and saw work at Bixby High School over the past couple of years.  But as the description says: "The Spartan Code isn't just a curriculum for athletes, it's a way of life for leaders. You can't simply learn the code... You have to live it!!"  The Spartan Code is built around four leadership principles found from the ancient traditions of the most elite warriors to ever walk the planet... You guessed it, The Spartans!  We refer to those as "DISC" and they are the true 'Characteristics of being a Spartan'.  Within our curriculum we challenge student-athletes to not only develop personally but as team leaders.  We believe, because we have seen it work, the Spartan Code can literally change a student, then a team, then school and prayerfully a city, a state, a country and the world!!

So how will that happen with curriculum for student-atheltes?  I'm glad you asked...

Quick side-note (it's actually a huge note): We are not and will not be "all things to all people."  The Spartans were the best because of their strict selective process and extreme ethics (virtues, rules, feelings, etc.) they lived out, no matter the cost.  We will be doing the same.

• Phase One: Establish our name and see The Spartan Code used in multiple schools in our region (This will be done by not only selling shirts, stickers, posters and obviously curriculum but also coming alongside coaches to help develop leaders among their student-athletes and teams).

• Phase Two: Continue offering updated Spartan Code Workbooks to current schools, Implementing Online Training for coaches and expanding into new schools across the country (With contact and interest already made from schools on both coasts, as well as, training videos being story-boarded, this phase is only a matter of time).

• Phase Three: Publishing our first Book and launching our online Men's Training Course (Chapters are already being written, real-time stories are being collected and most importantly some foundational meetings have taken place for a sold publication to pick us up).

• Phase Four: This is a secret, at this time, but will be announced alongside phase three (I'm so stinkin' excited about this phase and what it could mean for men and our society).

• Phase Five: Publishing our Father-Son Edition Book (Though I cannot share all of the details, what is in current development has not been produced before and, I believe, will help father's raise men).

**There are more dreams on the board and ideas in the works beyond phase five but we believe this will keep us busy for the next couple years.  Our question now is... Will you join us!?  

There are several ways to help and I'd like to formally invite you to take part:

1. Visit our website: www.TheSpartanCode.com and 'Follow us' on Social Media (Facebook, Twitter & Instagram)!!
2. Tell your family/friends/school about the dream, the curriculum and the plan!!
3. Support us by purchasing something from the Store!!
4. Let us know your thoughts and share some words of encouragement!!

If you can't tell... We're really excited about the future not only in Bixby but in so many schools, towns and families to come!!  Thanks for taking this journey with us... I can't wait to update you along the way!!  (God is good... All the time)

Family Ministry = Healthy Relationships

Recently I read an article that was titled: "Three Common Traits of Youth who DON'T Leave the Church" (Read the whole article here).  The list seemed pretty simple and what was funny to me is that when I read it a thread popped out in my mind (I shared them with you below):

1. They are converted (Real Relationship with Jesus)
2. They have been equipped, not entertained (Real Relationships with the Church)
3. Their parents preached the gospel to them (Real Relationship with Parents)

...RELATIONSHIPS!!

Relationships are so crucial to our growth at church and in the Church.  If we do not have a relationship with Jesus, we won't see a need to come, if we do not have a relationship with others we won't want to come and if we don't have a relationship with our parents we won't be expected to come!!


Though the first two are very important you (the reader, I'm assuming most are parents) have little to zero effect on them.  A relationship with Jesus is two ways: the Holy Spirit and the Soul (we as individuals make this decision and literally live with it for eternity)!  As for the relationship with others, as much as I want to have influence here (and I'm sure you do as well) I do not.  I cannot force students to engage other students or even make them continue coming and I definitely cannot make a student learn when he/she arrives.  Intentionally, we have created an atmosphere that is safe and are relentlessly teaching God's Word, praying it does not return void but no promises can be made that teens "get it."  However, it's in the third "trait" that we, Family Pastors at New Beginnings, believe can help and even equip parents (married, single, divorced, step, etc.) to proclaim the gospel in the home, just like in Deuteronomy 6:4-9.

This past Sunday was another big moment for NBFamilies at New Beginnings.  We launched our first "Family Equipping Class" during first service (9:30a) in W301.  This month, Matt will be walking Wired (Middle School) parents through the basics of 'Preparing your son/daughter for adolescence.'  We are so excited about this discussion getting kick started and setting the stage for next month (November) when I will be hosting a series of Family Equipping times on the 'Rite of Passage.'  At these times parents of freshmen and sophomores will engage the principles of being a Biblical man or woman and preparing for the experience at the end of the month (See Faith Map for more information)!

Family Equipping each month for specific NBFamilies ministries is just another way we are wanting to come alongside parents and help the gospel to be presented and effective in your son or daughters life.

But before you leave today, I wanted to ask a quick question and give a couple thoughts...How is your relationship with your son or daughter?  I'm guessing that if they're a teenager, there's probably a little tension if not some outright fighting going on.  That's okay, it's even normal!!  Some distance and conflict happens while teens develop their autonomy outside of mom and dad.  But how do we choose to respond to this distancing can be the difference of communicating the gospel effectively or just flexing our rule and reign.  

What do you think about these steps for parents after conflict has arisen:

1. Win the Apology Race.  This can be so difficult, especially when your teen started it.  But once both sides are raising voices and rolling eyes, apologies are going to need to go around.
*A good friend of mine always says "you can always own up to, at least, 3% of any situation"... even if you were minding your own business reading when a little girl, we'll call her: Charleigh (hypothetically speaking), overflows the bathtub when you thought someone else was taking care of bath time.  No pointing fingers, this was hypothetical, but if it was real, I still could have done a better job at communicating my intentions.

2. Listen and Respond don't React. Do you listen to your teens heart or are you just waiting for your turn to speak?  Ask open-ended questions and don't be afraid of honest feelings.  
*Court always says "respond don't react to the ball" (when coaching volleyball), which means if you react you are often hiding your face or just throwing up your hands as a reflex.  But if you are responding to the ball you are thinking about what & why the other play is going to do and responding with intention and thought.  

3. Prayerfully Answer with Truth and Love.  If the situation is going to call for punishment, then do it with love and with your teen’s best interest at heart (also, let the punishment fit the crime).  Don’t punish because you are angry or to get the conversation over.  In my opinion, the only way this can happen is with adequate "downtime" and prayer.
*We have a calendar-like-thing on our refrigerator that gives you specific Bible verses and Christ-Centered thoughts for different "Punishment-Worthy" scenarios.  I have often used our "downtime" to be a few moments for everyone to collect their thoughts, allow the tempers to lower and read some focused answers from Truth and then share them with Love.


For most of us conflict resolution is done by either the way our parents did it or the exact opposite (so as to "never put my kids in what I had to put up with").  But if our common goal was for our sons and daughters to see, hear and feel the gospel in our home... Maybe we will have to find more ways were the whole family wins!?