To React or to Respond... That is the question

My wife is not only an accomplished volleyball player but she played and coached Division 1 (Go Golden Hurricane) for many years.  Knowing this about my wife is one thing, but finding out in-person is another.  One day several years ago I made the mistake to go "play" some volleyball with her and a group of old players.  I was not too concerned upon arrival knowing I myself was a college athlete and had picked up a few things from watching friends compete in volleyball at school.  Don't get too ahead of me here!!!  It only took two solid "blocks" with my face before I really wanted to know the difference in what my wife was shouting: "You have to respond Jeff... You keep reacting!"  

To me, the average guy, I saw the hitter go up and I embraced for impact... At best I kept my eyes open and once the ball was hit tried to move my arms high enough to return the hit.  This however, is Not responding but only reacting.  What Courtney was trying to tell me was you have to read what they are wanting to do and adjust accordingly.  From years of preparation and practice she was able to determine not just who was going to hit the ball but where it would be hit once it came off the hitters hand!  She took into consideration: who was on the court, how many blockers were at the net, which way her hips were facing, what she had done several plays earlier, etc.  And so in responding she was able to "dig" or return virtually every hit by our opponents... As long as I got my face out of the way!! 

In parenting I see a perfect parallel for us think on...  

Let me paint a quick picture for you:  It's 12:27am and you've called and texted a half a dozen times but have heard nothing.  You have your spouse call your phone to make sure it is working properly.  You check the news to see if there was any big accidents and are just getting ready to text their best friend when... "I'm so sorry!!  I didn't see that you called until just now when I was walking in!!  Can I just have a second, okay third, chance"

How many times have you had this conversation?  Are you being that strict!?  All you are asking for is a simple phone call or even text if you're going to be running late, is that too much to ask!?  What if...

Do you React or Respond?

Are you prepared to respond?  I bet when you think about it you can see some common behaviors that have surfaced.  I bet you can probably guess that at some point the boundaries will be tested (and probably already have).  I bet you can even predict that some choices change depending on who they are with and what they went out to do.

"Reacting is based on emotion, which we all know is rampant when dealing with a teenager.  

We Respond to the situation when we step back from the emotion and take a moment to think through what is really going on.  It’s not easy!  Parents, the secret is out. The map to your “buttons” has been published, and your teen will push them…Repeatedly!!  But we do our own share of pushing, don’t we?  You know what makes your teenager crazy and sometimes, just sometimes, it feels really good to give them a good share of their own medicine.  At least for a moment, until we realize we have done exactly what we are trying to teach them NOT to do!" (by ParentMinistry.net)

Three quick things to consider when rewiring ourselves to Respond:

• Discipline is about Training not about Punishment... It's not just to remember the ouch but the why.  Know why you said no. If it doesn’t make sense, have the courage to retract it.  Second chances are always necessary when it comes to our teens.  Grace always gives a redo. Give yourself grace too.
• Breathing… it gives you a moment to lower your blood pressure.  The part of our teen’s brain that controls reasoning is still underdeveloped at this point.  They use a different part of the brain geared towards instinctual decisions or risk taking.  Peer pressure is a large influence in our teen’s decisions.  At this point of our teen’s development, they are trying to become independent of us.
• Develop Contracts for the major occasions (Cell Phone, Driving, etc.)  Clearly communicate the expectations and consequences, as well as, the desires of both the parent and the teenager.  Make a plan for when trust is broken, so that it can be restored allowing the relationship between parent and teenager to grow.  Agree together ahead of time how to handle the unexpected events. 

"Your teen’s personality can play a large part of how they respond to certain situations. Some are sensitive and appear not to react outwardly.  But that doesn’t mean a thing. Inwardly they could be screaming at you.  Some teens are passionately vocal.  They are very certain you know exactly how they feel.  They all deserve our respect and guidance.  Reacting is easy, responding isn’t.  Responding shows your teen that you love them enough to stop for a moment and make sure what you are saying or doing is based on truth and not emotion.  Reacting can be a really selfish act.  We want to get our point across at all costs.  Sometimes the cost is just a little too high.  It can cost the trust our teens have in us.  Can your teen trust that you will respond and not react to any given situation.  Have the courage to ask your teen if you respond or react and then give them permission to tell you how they wish you would handle these situations.  It takes a brave and humble parent to realize that before we can teach our teens this concept maybe we should learn it for ourselves!" (by ParentMinistry.net)

For some of us resolving conflict in a healthy way is difficult because of our own baggage growing up.  Perhaps you were raised in a home that had a “take no prisoners” mentality when it came to conflict.  Win at all costs was the name of the game.  You learned early on that your job was to watch your own back, defend yourself, and never back down... But if you are willing to develop new habits and value loving more than being declared right, then your whole family wins!!

**If you are interested in my personal three-hour training of the '10 Things YOU Should Know About Teens & Tweens' please e-mail me for a FREE copy of the manuel and video link!!

**Follow Jeff, also known as "surgeberg" on: Facebook, Twitter & Instagram

Children See... Children Do!!

Disclaimer: This video is an actual ad that was ran in Australia and is very real. There is no language but there is some hard scenarios, please do NOT watch with your children!

Can I ask you a couple questions:
- How did this commercial make you feel?
- What was the most offensive part of the video to you?
- Why is a kid giving someone "the finger" often more offensive than the domestic abuse?

Bad News: Jesus said, "And if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a large millstone tied around his neck."  

Good News: Jesus said, “Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me.”

Full Context: Mark 9:35-50

We have a very unique and high calling as parents and leaders. 

May we live to honor Him and lead our kids in humble obedience!! 

I don't think I want to say much more, instead just let it sink in... 
AND let's discuss in the comments below!! 

Don't Stop... Start!!

Two weeks ago I had finally had it.  I have now been "retired" from football for over a decade yet my eating habits had never changed.  Over the years I was able to stay fairly active and thus keep that weight down to some what 'in control.'  However, these past few years have really gotten the best of me... Kids, Work, Blah, Blah, Blah and I when I finally got on the scale it was appalling (and for the sake of accountability, I'll just tell you: 263lbs!!).  

For years I have known it was a problem and even knew it was dangerous for future living.  Though at times I have dropped weight it was never a change in my lifestyle just a diet.  But before you stop reading thinking this is about weight loss give me a few more sentences.  I read an article this week that made me angry!  I didn't get angry because it was "spinning the facts" or because it was about some poor kids in a far off country... I was angry because it was calling me out!!

"They observed 55 caregivers eating with at least one child in fast-food restaurants. Forty of those caregivers used a mobile device during the meal... primary focus of the caregiver’s attention and engagement was with the device rather than the child...Caregivers absorbed in devices frequently ignored the child’s behavior for a while and then reacted with a scolding tone of voice" Read more from the article here

Ouch!!  I don't know if I'm alone on this (according to the article I am not) but this one hit close to home.  BUT... I only check a couple e-mails at dinner or return that important text, I really wanted to show my wife something funny I saw or finish my highest score ever on Doodle Jump (that was for Phil & Sankie), I'll just turn the ringer off, what if it's an emergency... Bottom line:  I've known it was an issue for some time!!  Like my eating habits combined with my lack of exercise and time, it was taking it's toll.  After taking some time to think about it I came across this article: Be an Involved Father (by Carey Casey).  What I loved about it was not only the ideas but that it wasn't about "stopping the phone use."  In the same way diets hardly work, just dropping my phone for the next 30-days wasn't going to fix the bigger issue.  It has to be a lifestyle change or you will simply revert back to life after the "diet" is over!!

Here are the great suggestions from the article (and there are a bunch more from the comments):    

1. Reading. This can be a time of closeness, sharing new ideas and making your child feel special. It’s an especially great way to end the day.
2. Mealtime. Don’t stop at traditional dinners; picnics, carryout pizza or Sunday brunch can add to the togetherness. Maybe it’s time to get out that old fondue pot you got as a wedding gift twenty years ago.
3. Physical affection. When you walk in the door after work, make sure you get hugs from everyone—and that means everyone. (Even if you have to hunt them down in the basement or back yard.)
4. Playing games. What better way to encourage your kids’ imagination, physical and mental prowess, and a healthy spirit of competition? That includes peek-a-boo with an infant, whiffle ball in the back yard or a family chess tournament.
5. Chores and errands. Everyday chores help a child define his place in the family, give him an opportunity to contribute, and provide another opportunity to spend time together. And those day-to-day trips to the store can become priceless times with Dad.
6. Cooking. Get the whole family working on a meal, and then enjoy the results.
7. Taking pictures. Family photographs are a great way to mark and then remember events for years to come. Some kids dread it when the camera comes out, but strive to make it fun; see who can do the most hilarious things in front of a camera.
8. Storytelling. Looking through old photos and videos can lead to some great stories about your youth, your parents and grandparents. Or tell your kids a made-up story where they’re one of the characters. (Or read a story together.)
9. Family outings. This can be a drive into the country to see the cows or a full-blown vacation to Yellowstone. Don’t get so caught up in the destination that you forget to enjoy the trip. And remember, a low-budget camping weekend can mean more to your kids than a trip to Hawaii.
10. Spiritual activities. Praying together, attending church, and family devotions can become unique and priceless rituals. Also, find ways to put it into action—like organizing the family to volunteer somewhere or gather clothes for a homeless shelter.

Big picture moment: 
The point isn't "STOP using the phone" but "START being a dad"!!

Update on the "family" side: My family and I had a wonderful mini-vacation this week in Oklahoma City... I don't always get it right but I did turn the phone off for two days and fished, played in a pool, went to a museum, cuddled, saw grandparents, ran around a playground... It was amazing!!  I hope you can find some time to do the same this spring!!

Update on the "diet" side: Court & I are entered to run a Spartan Beast, November 1st in the Dallas area.  If you are brave enough, we would love to see you there... Sign up here!!  Our team name is "With This or Upon This!"  For you history buffs, this is what spartan women and parents told their soldiers before heading off to battle (Come back victorious or die trying).  We're not crazy... It just has to be more than a diet!! 

A Protestant Passover

The sun had just set on the 15th day of Nisan and the reading of the Haggadah at the Seder table had begun... If you are like me, you either already stopped reading this or mumbled through that entire first sentence.  My hope is that this is not your first post to read on the topic of the Passover Seder given that Matt andSankie both shared their Holiday Faith Talks earlier this week.  Our family also sat down to share in this over 2,500 year old tradition and would love to share some of our thoughts from our experience.

Each Monday night is Berg Family Fun Night in our home and when thinking about this particular night several weeks back we were so excited to learn that Monday, April 14th at Sunset was the first day of the traditional passover celebration.  Though for most of my life I have been a conservative protestant, I have always enjoyed learning about other denominations like Catholicism (Read my post on Ash Wednesday) and was very excited to grow in my knowledge of another world religion (Judaism) this week.  The meal begins with washing of hands but the preparation began far earlier this time.  A couple days before, I had gone to Walmart to pick-up some essentials to our evening only to learn that you not only cannot purchase lamb at Walmart but might not want to either.  So off to Sprouts to find a "traditional" looking rack of lamb I had seen in all the cool pictures.  Upon arrival, we found that there was already a "Passover" table set-up for all the folks looking to get in and get out this season.  Having been around church for many years and personally never hearing of ANYONE celebrating the Passover Seder, I was shocked that there was enough demand for these items that the store created a special display at the front.  It was also at this time I realized how close I was cutting it, "You know you have to have this all prepared before sunset today" I was informed by an elder lady passing by in her cart.  As I continued to google product names and looking for more specific lists to find all my items I was slammed with the volume of detail for each "necessity" yet the amount of substitutes that were acceptable.  I have to admit, when I left I was feeling pretty excited about our purchases but semi-scared the kosher police were going to jump out of the bushes and mock us... I assume that is what they do!?

I'd like to say the meal preparation was the easy part but finding the materials was just the start.  Who knew lamb was so meticulous... Probably a lot of you!  I also found out that horseradish not only looks terrible, much like a cow heart, but when it is raw, tastes even worse than it looks.  Please enjoy the series of pictures in regards to horseradish below:

Time came, and as we prepared a place in our living room to sit and recline, the sun began to set.  We invited the kids to the room and began with the ceremonial hand washing.  I'd like to say the next hour was full of reverence, focus and growth and though some of that happened it was the kids excitement that was the most surprising.  Each time we celebrated with another glass of wine (FOUR GLASSES of sparkling grape juice) the kids could not have been more pumped, which was a beautiful picture of exactly the attitudes we are to have in hearing the gospel message of God (which is the ultimate purpose of the Passover celebration today).  

I'm not sure what my favorite piece of the evening was but I know it's wednesday and our kids still remember the reason for the sweet and bitter taste of the parsley and fruit-nut mix and the literal blood on the tray that came from the lamb.  Here are all of the typical pieces to a Passover Seder:

• Charoset: a mixture of apples, nuts, wine and cinnamon that represents the mortar used by the Hebrew slaves to make bricks.
• Zeroah (Lamb): often a shank-bone and commemorates the paschal sacrifice made the night the Hebrews fled Egypt, also symbolizing the outstretched arm of God. 
• Karpas: usually parsley, and represents the freshness of spring and growth for the Hebrews.
• Chazeret: is another bitter herb, most often the root of romaine lettuce.  
• Maror: is often a horseradish root that has been grated or blended and can literally bring tears to your eyes which is the bitterness of slavery the Hebrews endured for hundreds of years.
• Baytsah (Roasted Egg): signifying springtime and renewal but also stands in the place of one of the sacrificial offerings since the Jewish temple has been torn down to this day. 
• Matzah: stack of three pieces of unleavened bread.  The bread is a real example of the lack of time the Hebrews had when God told them to "go" out of Egypt (Sometimes you hide a smaller fourth piece to represent the struggles the Jews continue to face).
• Salt Water: to symbolize the tears and sweat of the Hebrew slaves (Often also paradoxically is a symbol of purity and the sea that brought salvation from the Egyptian army.
• Wine: Four glasses representing the four biblical promises of redemption from God.  And today the spilled blood of Christ which we observe with the Lord's Supper.
• Hand Washing: to clean yourself before embarking on a holy meal.  Christ later takes it a step further in washing His disciples feet at their Passover Seder.

As Protestants we often move past tradition and ceremonies, willing to simply settle for symbolism once a quarter.  But we can learn so much from these times.  Only 30% of us are auditory learners, meaning most folks are visual and tactile-kinesthetic learners.  What can you do this week for not only your kids to learn something new but even you!?  I know how difficult it is to find time to spend with your family and to find more to prepare something like this is pretty much impossible.  However, I personally will never forget this Berg Family Fun Night and I have a feeling it will be something we do again next year.  We would love to hear your stories of this Holiday season. 

May we take the time to remember... May we remember God's provision for each step of our lives... May we remember the cross this weekend... May we remember why we first fell in love with Jesus... May we remember to teach our kids the values we have and where they came from... May we remember to include the Spirit in our homes, lives and future... May we remember the importance of the Church... May we remember!!

**Follow Jeff, also known as "surgeberg" on: Facebook, Twitter & Instagram   

Family Devotions or Bust

For over three years the Berg's have set aside one night a week just to be together.  In the past year we started being more intentional with a devotional and counting down our days together (what's been dubbed "Berg Family Fun Night" by our kids).  When I look over my calendar and through the pics on my phone, of the countless activities we've took part in, I'm filled with joy.  However, I also remember a few hard nights, like this week.  Though I'll spare you the dialogue know that the context was anger.  In fact, as I type this my head is filled with emotions from frustration that we don't have it together to fear that my kids will remember those nights over the good ones.  This monday we were coming home from a birthday party of one of Jackson's classmates.  Upon arrival to the garage I asked for teeth to be brushed, jammies on and reconvened in the living room.  After twenty minutes we still didn't have it together and really I should have known it was going to be downhill from the party.  Through the tears, raised voices and being sent to their rooms without a bedtime snack, it hit me... I definitely overacted and didn't show them Jesus, BUT WHY WAS I SO MAD?!

In the article '10 Surefire Ways to Make Your Kids Hate Family Devotionals' the author Jessica Thompson says: "Family devotions are a good thing. They can be a means of grace to your entire family, but often we turn them into an idol. We get some idea in our head about how devotions are supposed to look, and we won’t budge an inch from getting that picture exactly right. Have you ever been so rigid in your family devotional time that you made it drudgery instead of a joy?"

Did she hit it on the head?  As I thought about our evening I thought of several reasons it went south but the biggest one was probably the tight hold I have had on my expectations for our Monday nights.  I want so badly for each Monday to be the best night yet, for me and the family.  The reality, however, is that some days are stressful at work and don't allow enough time for me (or the family) to detox before jumping right into another "activity."  Often, things come up and though we want our one day a week to be sacred (not intentionally scheduling things there) sometimes things come up.  But most of all, our hearts need to be ready and in a position to overflow with love to others if we want to be the hands and feet of Christ.  In short, I had in fact made an idol out of our family nights!  What!?  No... Family time cannot be an idol!! 

Our pastor at New Beginnings (Dr. Phil) started a sermon series this week, impeccable timing I know, called "Mine" (read more about it here).  One of the most thought provoking statements I heard this week was: "even good things [God created things] can become idols in our lives when it's more important than God."  If you were here, move on but if you weren't, let that sink in... Good things (nature, food, sports, money, the Bible, kids... family) can be bad when we allow them to take over and rule our lives.  When our ultimate happiness is found in ANYTHING over Christ's love and will in our lives, we will not only be let down at some point but be led astray on our purpose in life.  I know what you're thinking: "But Jeff, God wants you to spend time with your family and teach them about Him."  Absolutely True!!  However, when our evenings end in yelling and anger I should probably stop and assess the evening.  I was more concerned with checking the box ("Family Devotional") than I was with the hearts of my family. 

As I look back over the list from the article by Thompson, though some are just funny ("Make sure that Carman’s “The Champion” is always playing in the background") some hit me really hard:

• "Don’t allow your kids to act like kids. Make sure they sit completely still and listen to every word you say"
• "Expect immediate, visible results. If they are not...asking for forgiveness by the end of the devotional time, you have done something wrong"
• "Don’t let them see your weakness. Make sure that if there is a question about confessing sin, you point out all of their sin. Don’t ever bring up the ways you fail"

Reading that last one especially speaks heavily that I had not prepared myself (in prayer, devotions, etc.) to overflow His love and grace, which ultimately translates to: "I not only can do this on my own but I can do it better than God."  Idols are scary... They come from everywhere and can even be blessings from God, Himself, that we twisted just a little.  Though I can't take back Monday, I can prepare for future Mondays, as well as, my day-to-day life putting God absolutely first. 

May You give us protection from ourselves... May His Spirit led us to conviction in our own hearts... May His Son show us the grace necessary to live as His hands and feet... May we worship You Father as the only true God... May I serve You well in my family and life!!

The Berg's

**Follow Jeff, also known as "surgeberg" on: Facebook, Twitter & Instagram

"You are Special"

What comes to mind when you hear: "You are Special!" 

• Do you think: "Yeah right, what are you wanting from me"  
• How about something like: "That's right, I am special bring me my golden slippers"
• Or maybe: "Wow... That was rude, remind me to take you off my christmas card list"

Though I was joking a little above, I feel like this phrase is something we both don't believe about ourselves or we've taken it too far.  It's been my experience in over 10 years of full-time ministry that I often meet two kinds of students: ones that think they're more special than everyone & everything else and ones that think they are not worth much at all.  Yes, there is another group but they are not very common... let that sink in!  The sad news is, as adults, we often fall into those two groups as well.  I know this to be true because I'm on social media!!  I do not believe facebook, twitter, instagram, etc. are the devil but I do think there's something about these public platforms that magnifies our need to either feel special or show people we're "special."  I know this because I do/feel it too... 

• I post that picture (only the ones that don't make me look fat)... and wait for lots of 'likes'!!  
• I share the really good story (after tweaking it to make it a little more funny)... hoping for 'shares'!!  
• I change my status from 'excited' to 'sad'... waiting for someone to comment asking about it!!

Bottom line... There's a reason we are special and it's not a 'what we do' as much as it is a 'why we are'!!  Recently, I re-read a book with my kids that reminded me of this simple truth yet again.  The book was "You are Special" by Max Lucado.  I'm guessing you have probably read it or heard of it but if you haven't, I'm strongly recommending you get it and if you have, give it another read tonight (Make it a Faith Talk this week).

In the book a small wooden person named Punchinello goes about his life as other wemmicks place 'golden stars' on those they think are special and 'grey dots' on those they do not.  As much as I want to share with you the whole story... I'd rather you read it!!  However, I wanted to share with you three things that really jumped out at me in new ways:

1) "...everytime they got a star, it made them feel soo good and it made them want to do it again..." Why do 'likes', 'shares' and 'followers' on social media (and life) make me feel so good!?  Does this make me special?

2) "...in fact, he had so many dots people would come up to him and give him grey dots for no reason at all..." Why do I follow the crowd so easily even if it hurts other people in the process!?  Am I so desperate to feel special that I'm willing to bring others down?

((SPOILER ALERT))

3) In the end, Punchinello meets a girl with no stars or dots "...and it's not because people didn't try..." but because she found her worth in the way the Maker saw her.  "...each day I go and see Eli..."  Why is our culture as lost as I am?  Am I spending daily time with the one whom gives me true worth and direction!?

My grandpa used to say: "It's not what you know, it's who you know!"  Though he was often talking about work, politics, etc. this is at the heart, the Gospel!!  The gospel isn't just for those who don't feel special but also for those that think they are special for the wrong reasons.

May we take some extra time today to make sure our kids hear they are special... May we give our kids a clear reason why they are special... May we ourselves hear that we are special because of the Creator... May we make it a point to show someone else how special they are and may we be so bold to give them the reason why as well!!

Do you think you're beautiful!?

Several years ago Dove (yes, the soap) started a campaign called "Real Beauty" in which they wanted to point out the problems in our culture in the way we view 'beauty' and communicate that everyone is beautiful in their own way.  Though I'm not trying to sell you Dove products (and no, I do not own stock) or saying their company does everything right, I love this campaign and the videos they have made to address it.  One of their newest is called "Beauty Sketches" and is getting a lot of traffic this week via social media and I wanted to ask if you'd watch it with me (posted below)?

Watch the full 7-minute version here

What about you?  How do you feel about yourself?  Do you think you are Beautiful?

I'm unsure of what you thought of this video but for me it strikes my core (like yes, I cried watching this).  No... I'm not a girl and though that seemed to be the audience for this video, it still got to me.  I'm a man with a calling to love people (students to be even more specific) and there's nothing that tears my heart more than seeing kids beat up emotionally (and physically) by culture, their peers and even themselves.  Thus, telling teens that they are special and loved (often I use "Awesome") is one of my most favorite things to do in the whole world!!

There are lots of reasons we get down on ourselves... What is your reason?
- Bad relationship with your Mom/Dad growing up?
- Did you have a rough middle school experience?
- Has the divorce caused you to think you are unlovable?
- Are you ashamed of some past 'sin' that makes you feel ugly?
- Do you just not feel as "successful" as the family next door?

Let me shift for a second and talk about our kids:
Did you know that 1 out of 3 girls are sexually abused before they reach 18 (1 out of 6 for boys)?  Did you know that it raises to 2 out of 3 girls if you throw in their freshmen year of college?  Let that sink in...

With all of what we talked about in our own lives and then echoed with our own children... No wonder we feel "ugly"!!  No wonder we search for affection and love "in all the wrong places"!!  No wonder really bad things are happening in our culture and schools every day!!

BUT there's Good News... There's Hope!!
In a love letter written by a boy named Solomon he states: "You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no blemish in you."  This is the same way Jesus sees you!!  That was too fast... Go back and read that again!!  In Genesis Moses states that God thinks you're"very good"... In Zephaniah it states that the Lord "delights in you", as well as rejoicing and singing over you!!

I love the saying pictured below...

God is so in love with you AND HE LIKES YOU!!!  If you've grown up in the "Bible Belt" you've probably been told that God loves you more times than you can count but did you know that God likes you!!  He loves hearing from you, spending time with you, watching you, holding you!!  God is crazy about you because you are exactly the way He created you... BEAUTIFUL!!

May you feel His love a little more today... May we pass that love on to others... May Jesus become as precious to you as you are to Him... May our kids know that we not only love them but like them... May the Spirit prompt us in taking opportunities to tell others how beautiful they are... May you rest in the loving arms of the Creator today... May you believe!!

Click on the links below to see more of Dove's Real Beauty Campaign videos:

- Camera Shy (showing how as we get older we become ashamed)

- Self-Esteem (showing the way we tear ourselves down)

- Onslaught (showing the assault from media & culture on our kids)

- Will Quit (showing the effects of how we feel has on our activities)

- Evolution (showing how far photoshop takes modeling)

**If you are interested in my personal three-hour training of the '10 Things YOU Should Know About Teens & Tweens' please e-mail me for a FREE copy of the manuel and video link!!

**Follow Jeff, also known as "surgeberg" on: Facebook, Twitter & Instagram

Cell Phone & Social Media 101

This week I was bombarded with, for lack of a better word, TONS of articles regarding cell-phones and social networks... Though these are two topics we have covered before (10 Apps You Should Be Aware of & Darn Technology Distracting Us from Each other) with the amount of articles posted this week I thought I would do a brief Cellphone & Social Media 101!!  

Cell Phone 101: Technology is neutral... It by itself is not bad or good!

Texting

-       “The average teenager texts 4,000 texts a month” (Group Publishing)
-    "78% of all teens have a cell phone" (Just over half are smart phones)

-       “31% of teen phone users deflect conversations by faking calls” (Denver Post)

-       As of 2011, AT&T was the only company who would print out text messages upon request.  However, because of the 2006 Consumer Telephone Records Protection Act parents can get a print out of your son/daughter’s phone if court ordered.

-       “Over half of 11 to 14 year olds say they have been in a dating relationship…But dating to tweens isn’t what adults think: relationships are fleeting but all consuming” “Tweens date in packs but expect their boyfriend/girlfriend to be monogamous…firing over 300 texts back and forth each day…breaking up is most commonly done via a text” (Homeword)

Sexting

-       Sext messages created by minors = child pornography.  Taking nude, sexually explicit, pictures of a minor, even if it is of yourself, is a felony and then sending those pictures to others is a second felony.  All recipients of that sext message can also be found guilty of a felony (even if they didn't want to receive it) because it is possession of child pornography.  Being convicted of possession or distribution of child pornography can get you on a sex offender list which will stay with you for LIFE and affect your ability to live where you want to, getting into college and getting a job. 

-      “39% of all teens have sent a sexually suggestive text” (Parents Guide...Cell Phones)

-       “48% of teens say they have received such messages" (sexually suggestive or nude)

Apps & Internet accessibility (2013, Apple announced 60,000,000,000 apps downloaded)

-       Top ‘Apps’ (Applications):

o   Social Media: Facebook (#1 Free app), Twitter, Instagram, Vine, etc.

o   Streaming: Spotify, Pandora, YouTube, etc.

o   Games: Candy Crush Saga, Flappy Bird, Clash of Clans, Bike Race, etc.

- Angry Birds (most profitable game ever…downloaded over 2 billion times)

o   Very Concerned: Omegle, SnapChat, Whisper, Kik, Tinder, etc. (Click here for more)

5 Tips for Managing Cell Phone Usage with Your Teen:

-       Talk together as a family about when it is or isn't appropriate to use the cell phone (no cell phone after 9pm, no cell phone until your homework is completed, etc.)

-       Make your child responsible of the phone and helping out with the bill (All of it, some of it, just the texting, chores for it, etc.).  Go over the bill with them.

o   Pre-pay or pay as you go, Like Kajeet

-       Take it away if they are failing in school or not following through with rules you set! Let them have it back when they show progress!

o   Agree on a “Phone Contract”, See: Should I SMASH My Kid’s Phone

-       Have a “charging station” or centralized location for all cell-phones (and ipods).  Have mandatory charging times during family times, dinner, bedtime, etc.

-       Be the example of healthy cell phone use.  Show them what you want to see in regards to how, when and where to use your cell phone.  If you have it out at dinner they will!

Parental Controls

-       AT&T, Sprint, Verizon & T-Mobile
-   "Bless them with blackouts... 
Set limits; you are the parent. There should be times of day, and especially night, when the internet, text messaging and other media is unaccessible. Your kids may complain, but it is a gift to give them downtime and remove the possibility of being connected." (Guard and Guide Your Children Online)

*Lots of cool ideas for Cellphone Safety

Social Media 101: What the school & mall was to kids of the 60s-90s is what the Internet is to the millennial!

The Bigs 

-       Facebook (1,110,000,000 “Friends” as of March 2013)

-       Twitter (300 billion Tweets Sent as of October 2013)

-       Instagram (55 million Pictures shared each day)

-       Myspace (Making a comeback after essentially being purchased by Justin Timberlake)

*"88% of teens have seen someone be mean/cruel on a social networking site" (UKnowKids)

Top 3 Websites in the world…

-       Google (Around 13 Billion searches a month… Estimated to be worth over $270 billion)

-       Facebook (Around 45% of internet users visit facebook)

-       YouTube (Purchased by Google for $1.65 billion)

o   More than 1 billion unique users visit YouTube each month

o   YouTube reaches more U.S. Adults aged 18-34 than any cable network

o   100 Hours of video are uploaded every minute

o   Top Videos

- #1 most viewed: ‘Gangnam Style’ by PSY (1,915,156,692 views)

-  First video uploaded “Me at the zoo”, April 23^rd 2005 (13 million views)

The Good, the Bad & the Ugly…

-       Some say all this technology & media stimuli, creates a heightened awareness to culture & better ability to multi-task!!  (‘Everything Bad is Good for You’ by Johnson)

-       “Tweens that spend waking hours switching between social networks & texting are more likely to develop social problems” (Standford University: Dev. Psychology)

-       Signs of addiction (Illinois Institute for Addiction Recovery):

o   Preoccupation with ______________

o   Increased use of ______________

o   Repeated, unsuccessful efforts to control ______________ use

o   Restlessness, moodiness, depression when cutting down on ______________

o   Online longer than originally intended

o   Jeopardized or risked loss of significant relationships

o   Lies to family members or others to conceal use of ______________

o   Use ______________ to escape and relive problems 
**Netaddiction.net 

Tips for Parents with Social Media…

-       Have an agreement in regards to knowing passwords and what networks they are in

-       Privacy Settings must be used (25% of Facebook users don’t bother)

-       Develop rules for what can and should be posted online (pictures, location, etc.)

-       Computer in a centralized location in the home (this is hard with iphones & laptops)

-       Discuss Online dangers (See: Wiredsafety.org and TheDemandProject.org)

 

“Most young adults are over-exposed to information earlier than ready and under-exposed to real life situations later than they were or should be ready” - Tim Elmore (Artificial Maturity)

3 Things we can do starting RIGHT NOW...

Be the example you want to see!!  

Discuss helpful boundaries!!

Empower them to make positive choices!!

Here's just TEN of the articles sent to me and/or posted this week (if interested):
- Secret social media apps teens don't want you to know they are using

- 10 Reasons Why Handheld Devices Should be Banned for Children Under 12

- Children banned from using their mobile phones after 9pm

- Brush with Predator Inspires Child Safety Tech Startup

- Parents Still Paying Bills of 'Independent' Kids

- Millennials Consume Content Every Waking Hour

- Smartphone Use in Restaurants Leads to Distracted Parenting

- Guard and Guide Your Children Online
- Adults can 'Sext' Kids in Texas Because of Free Speech and Miley Cyrus
- Selfie Society

**If you are interested in my personal three-hour training of the '10 Things YOU Should Know About Teens & Tweens' please e-mail me for a FREE copy of the manuel and video link!!

**Follow Jeff, also known as "surgeberg" on: Facebook, Twitter & Instagram