For over three years the Berg's have set aside one night a week just to be together. In the past year we started being more intentional with a devotional and counting down our days together (what's been dubbed "Berg Family Fun Night" by our kids). When I look over my calendar and through the pics on my phone, of the countless activities we've took part in, I'm filled with joy. However, I also remember a few hard nights, like this week. Though I'll spare you the dialogue know that the context was anger. In fact, as I type this my head is filled with emotions from frustration that we don't have it together to fear that my kids will remember those nights over the good ones. This monday we were coming home from a birthday party of one of Jackson's classmates. Upon arrival to the garage I asked for teeth to be brushed, jammies on and reconvened in the living room. After twenty minutes we still didn't have it together and really I should have known it was going to be downhill from the party. Through the tears, raised voices and being sent to their rooms without a bedtime snack, it hit me... I definitely overacted and didn't show them Jesus, BUT WHY WAS I SO MAD?!In the article '10 Surefire Ways to Make Your Kids Hate Family Devotionals' the author Jessica Thompson says: "Family devotions are a good thing. They can be a means of grace to your entire family, but often we turn them into an idol. We get some idea in our head about how devotions are supposed to look, and we won’t budge an inch from getting that picture exactly right. Have you ever been so rigid in your family devotional time that you made it drudgery instead of a joy?"
Did she hit it on the head? As I thought about our evening I thought of several reasons it went south but the biggest one was probably the tight hold I have had on my expectations for our Monday nights. I want so badly for each Monday to be the best night yet, for me and the family. The reality, however, is that some days are stressful at work and don't allow enough time for me (or the family) to detox before jumping right into another "activity." Often, things come up and though we want our one day a week to be sacred (not intentionally scheduling things there) sometimes things come up. But most of all, our hearts need to be ready and in a position to overflow with love to others if we want to be the hands and feet of Christ. In short, I had in fact made an idol out of our family nights! What!? No... Family time cannot be an idol!!
Our pastor at New Beginnings (Dr. Phil) started a sermon series this week, impeccable timing I know, called "Mine" (read more about it here). One of the most thought provoking statements I heard this week was: "even good things [God created things] can become idols in our lives when it's more important than God." If you were here, move on but if you weren't, let that sink in... Good things (nature, food, sports, money, the Bible, kids... family) can be bad when we allow them to take over and rule our lives. When our ultimate happiness is found in ANYTHING over Christ's love and will in our lives, we will not only be let down at some point but be led astray on our purpose in life. I know what you're thinking: "But Jeff, God wants you to spend time with your family and teach them about Him." Absolutely True!! However, when our evenings end in yelling and anger I should probably stop and assess the evening. I was more concerned with checking the box ("Family Devotional") than I was with the hearts of my family.
As I look back over the list from the article by Thompson, though some are just funny ("Make sure that Carman’s “The Champion” is always playing in the background") some hit me really hard:
- "Don’t allow your kids to act like kids. Make sure they sit completely still and listen to every word you say"
- "Expect immediate, visible results. If they are not...asking for forgiveness by the end of the devotional time, you have done something wrong"
- "Don’t let them see your weakness. Make sure that if there is a question about confessing sin, you point out all of their sin. Don’t ever bring up the ways you fail"
Reading that last one especially speaks heavily that I had not prepared myself (in prayer, devotions, etc.) to overflow His love and grace, which ultimately translates to: "I not only can do this on my own but I can do it better than God." Idols are scary... They come from everywhere and can even be blessings from God, Himself, that we twisted just a little. Though I can't take back Monday, I can prepare for future Mondays, as well as, my day-to-day life putting God absolutely first.
May You give us protection from ourselves... May His Spirit led us to conviction in our own hearts... May His Son show us the grace necessary to live as His hands and feet... May we worship You Father as the only true God... May I serve You well in my family and life!!
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