You usually gain perspective on the other side of it...

That was certainly the case for Giuseppe, who is named for his father, and immigrant from Italy who had settled in California.  Because they lived in America, the family called him Joe.  But his father had his own nickname for him:  “good-for-nothing.”

Why did the elder Giuseppe call him that?  

Because Joe hated fishing.  That was seen as a terrible thing by the father, because he was a fisherman.  He loved the fishing business.  So did all of his sons - except for Good-for-Nothing Joe.  The boy didn't like being on the boat and the smell of fish made him sick. 

The boy offered to work in an office or to repair nets, but his father was simply disgusted with him and said he was good for nothing. 

The boy who was not afraid of hard work, deliver newspapers and shined shoes, giving the money to the family, but since it wasn't fishing the elder Giuseppe saw no value in it. 

Young Joe hated fishing but he loved baseball.  His older brother used to play sandlot ball and Joe used to follow them there.  And he was good - something of a legend among his playmates.  When Joe was sixteen he decided to drop out of school to become a baseball player.  By the time he was through with baseball, he was a legend.  He was christened as Giuseppe, but the nation came to know him as Joe DiMaggio, called the most complete baseball player of his generation.

And his father, the elder Giuseppe, what do you think about it?  Though he had wanted all of his sons to enter the family business, he was finally proud of his son and respected his accomplishments.  How could he not?  

Joe took the bad experiences and turned them into great experiences through the perspectives of learning.

Taken from:

Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Learn

by. John Maxwell

Character and Integrity

"On one warm spring day, a good ten plus years ago, I was walking in from the softball field with my class talking to my students. I happened to look behind me (as I often do when walking with groups of students) and noticed a student back in the pack leave the side walk to retrieve a tennis ball left in the parking lot. It was likely left from the previous tennis class; inadvertently (yea…right) hit over the top of the fence surrounding the courts.

My student picked up the tennis ball and promptly started bouncing and catching it as we all walked to the door of the school. Upon entering the school I held back a little, allowing students to pass me, and waited for the student who had retrieved the tennis ball to catch up to where I was.

As we met, I walked with this student toward the locker room and promptly asked him for the tennis ball so I could return it to the basket for use by upcoming tennis classes. His response was “I found it…I get to keep it.” I smiled, thinking he was kidding, and politely repeated my request.

He again indicated that the ball was his because he had found it, this time stating “finders keepers…losers weepers” as we moved closer to the locker room.

Continuing down the hall together, I then asked if he really believed that anything he finds becomes his, automatically, without any consideration to whom may have lost it, how it came to be where it was found, or any other mistake someone might have made. Without any hesitation…he said “yes.”

“Really?” I asked. He again nodded his head yes.

I then said…“So, what if someone were to say…deposit their paycheck at the drive up window of their bank, asking for $100 cash in return out of that deposit, and the teller sent back $700.00 cash along with the slip indicating the original deposit was not changed (meaning that $600 extra money was mistakenly sent back)…what should happen to that $600 extra dollars the teller mistakenly gave out?”

He said the person who got that money should just keep it.

I then asked what about the teller…they would likely lose their job with a drawer that is $600 short at the end of their working day. He said that that is too bad…they should not have made the mistake…that it was their problem…”too bad so sad”…he said.

I then told the student that the story I just told him actually happened. He said “really?” I continued stating that the person who was given that mistaken $600 gave it right back letting the teller know they had made a mistake. The student’s response…“what idiot would do that…give back $600 free money.”

I responded…“I did.”

My point to him was not to indicate what a nice guy I was, but that there are people (not just me) who do choose a different path than the one he is indicating he would follow. That even though he sees many of his peers make the same choice he would make, there is a better choice for him…for anyone.

Something else too…I would not be bringing up this story if I felt his was an isolated case. I have seen, after 34+ years in education, the same thought process (in one form or another) out of many of his peers (just as he did), especially over the last half of my career.

I have even had conversations with student aids and leaders who, when pressed, indicate that if someone does something against the “rules,” so to speak, and doesn’t get caught…then they did not really do anything wrong. That the only time it actually becomes a poor choice is when someone does get caught.

Me…I just stand there in amazement when students have indicated such…and one reason why I told this particular student (the one “stealing” the tennis ball) the story I did. Again, I wanted him to know there was a betterchoice…one where your conscience is clear…one where you can feel good about yourself because of the character and integrity you showed.

That is why it was so satisfying, almost relieving, to hear about San Francisco Giants relief pitcher Jeremy Affeldt giving back the $500,000 he would have received if he had not told the Giants organization about the mistake in his recent contract extension. A clerical error would have given him $500,000 more than what he had originally agreed to, and legally…he could have held them to that if he wanted.

To me, Jeremy’s statement says it all:

“I can't take that money…I won't sleep well at night knowing I took that money because every time I open my paycheck I'll know it's not right.”

Now that’s character…the showing of integrity, something that former student of mine had not yet grasped. Awesome…a person with a conscience, a moral compass; a professional athlete willing to do the right thing just because it is the right thing to do, something we certainly don’t see every day. And an example a good number could take a lesson or two from as poor character choices seem to abound in all walks of life (need I mention Illinois politics)…and at many ages.

Oh…and that former student…the one I spent most of my time discussing in this piece…he never made it through high school, at least not where I taught. His poor choices likely continued, closing many doors of opportunity for him he probably never even knew existed!"

So sad!!

By Kirk Mango

The Tiger

A teacher and his student were walking from one village to another, when they suddenly heard a roar behind them. Turning their gaze in the direction of the roar, they saw a big tiger following them.The first thing the student wanted to do was to run away, but since he has been studying and practicing self-discipline, he was able to halt himself from running, and wait to see what his teacher would do.

"What shall we do Master?" Asked the student.

The teacher looked at the student and answered in a calm voice:

"There are several options. We can fill our minds with paralyzing fear so that we cannot move, and let the tiger do with us whatever pleases it. We can faint. We can run away, but then it will run after us. We can fight with it, but physically it is stronger than us."

"We can pray to god to save us. We can choose to influence the tiger with the power of our mind, if our concentration is strong enough. We can send it love. We can also concentrate and meditate on our inner power, and on the fact that we are one with the entire universe, including the tiger, and in this way influence its soul."

"Which option do you choose?"

"You are the Master. You tell me what to do. We don't have much time." The student responded.

The master turned his gaze fearlessly towards the tiger, emptied his mind from all thoughts, and entered a deep state of meditation. In his consciousness, he embraced everything in the universe, including the tiger. In this state the consciousness of the teacher became one with consciousness of the tiger.

Meanwhile the student started to shiver with fear, as the tiger was already quite close, ready to make a leap at them. He was amazed at how his teacher could stay so calm and detached in the face of danger.

Meanwhile the teacher continued to meditate without fear. After a little while, the tiger gradually lowered its head and tail and went away.

The student asked his teacher in astonishment, "What did you do?"

"Nothing. I just cleared all thoughts from my mind and united myself in spirit with the tiger. We became united in peace on the spiritual level. The tiger sensed the inner calmness, peace, and unity and felt no threat or need to express violence, and so walked away.""When the mind is silent and calm, its peace is automatically transmitted to everything and everyone around, influencing them deeply", concluded the teacher.

By Remez Sasson

“Butterfly Courage”

Walking down a path through some woods in Georgia in 1977, 1 saw a water puddle ahead on the path. I angled my direction to go around it on the part of the path that wasn’t covered by water and mud.  As I reached the puddle, I was suddenly attacked!

Yet I did nothing for the attack was so unpredictable and from a source so totally unexpected. I was startled as well as unhurt, despite having been struck four or five times already.  I backed up a foot and my attacker stopped attacking me.  Instead of attacking more, he hovered in the air on graceful butterfly wings in front of me.  Had I been hurt I wouldn’t have found it amusing, but I was unhurt, it was funny, and I was laughing.  After all, I was being attacked by a butterfly!

Having stopped laughing, I took a step forward.  My attacker rushed me again.  He rammed me in the chest with his head and body, striking me over and over again with all his might, still to no avail.  For a second time, I retreated a step while my attacker relented in his attack.

Yet again, I tried moving forward.  My attacker charged me again.  I was rammed in the chest over and over again. I wasn’t sure what to do, other than to retreat a third time, after all, it’s just not everyday that one is attacked by a butterfly. This time, though, I stepped back several paces to look the situation over. My attacker moved back as well to land on the ground.  That’s when I discovered why my attacker was charging me only moments earlier.

He had a mate and she was dying.  She was beside the puddle where he landed.  Sitting close beside her, he opened and closed his wings as if to fan her.  I could only admire the love and courage of that butterfly in his concern for his mate. He had taken it upon himself to attack me for his mate’s sake, even though she was clearly dying and I was so large.  He did so just to give her those extra few precious moments of life, should I have been careless enough to step on her.

Now I knew why and what he was fighting for.  There was really only one option left for me. I carefully made my way around the puddle to the other side of the path, though it was only inches wide and extremely muddy.  His courage in attacking something thousands of times larger and heavier than himself just for his mate’s safety justified it.  I couldn’t do anything other than reward him by walking on the more difficult side of the puddle.  He had truly earned those moments to be with her, undisturbed.  I left them in peace for those last few moments, cleaning the mud from my boots when I later reached my car.

Since then, I’ve always tried to remember the courage of that butterfly whenever I see huge obstacles facing me.  I use that butterfly’s courage as an inspiration and to remind myself that good things are worth fighting for. 

Copyright 1997 Dave Kuzminski

Brothers

There is a story told of a young boy whose older brother was in a car crash. The father approached the younger son shortly after the crash and said, "Son, if you will, you older brother needs a blood transfusion in order to live. The doctors have determined that only you can provide this blood . Will you provide blood for your brother so that he may live?" The younger son did not hesitate in aswering he would indeed help his older brother. Unknown to the little boy was the relative simplicity and safety of the procedure.

The car ride to the hospital was unusually quiet for this normally very talkative little boy. The father, at the same time in the most awkward and difficult position of his entire life, thought best to leave the young boy to his own thoughts. The father and young boy entered the now familiar doors of the town hospital. As the father and son sat in the hospital room, the nurse entered with the needle in hand. She commented how courageous the young boy was, prepared the boys right arm as she had done to hundreds of other patients over the years, and slowly inserted the needle into his arm ; the vial began to quickly fill with the young boys blood. After the vial filled, the young boy, with tears in his eyes, turned to his father and asked, "Daddy, how long do I now have before I die?"

Sacrifice isn't contingent on the cost, it's just doing what's necessary for others!!

The Triple Filter Test

In ancient Greece, Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in high esteem...  

One day an acquaintance met the great philosopher and said, “Do you know what I just heard about your friend?”

“Hold on a minute,” Socrates replied.  “Before telling me anything I’d like you to pass a little test.  It’s called the Triple Filter Test.”

“Triple filter?”

“That’s right,” Socrates continued.  “Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you’re going to say.  That’s why I call it the triple filter test.  The first filter is Truth.  Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?”  

“No,” the man said, “Actually I just heard about it and ...”

“All right,” said Socrates. “So you don’t really know if it’s true or not. Now let’s try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?”

“No, on the contrary…”

“So,” Socrates continued, “you want to tell me something bad about him, but you’re not certain it’s true.  You may still pass the test though, because there’s one filter left: the filter of Usefulness.  Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?”

“No, not really …”

“Well,” concluded Socrates, “if what you want to tell me is neither true, nor good, nor even useful... why tell it to me at all?”

The Two Wolves

A young boy came to his Grandfather, filled with anger at another boy who had done him an injustice.  The old Grandfather said to his grandson, "Let me tell you a story. I too, at times, have felt a great hate for those that have taken so much, with no sorrow for what they do.  But hate wears you down, and hate does not hurt your enemy.  Hate is like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die.  I have struggled with these feelings many times."

"It is as if there are two wolves inside me; one wolf is good and does no harm.  He lives in harmony with all around him and does not take offense when no offense was intended.  He will only fight when it is right to do so, and in the right way.  But the other wolf, is bad and full of anger.  The littlest thing will set him into a fit of temper."  "He fights everyone, all the time, for no reason.  He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great. It is helpless anger, because his anger will change nothing.  Sometimes it is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, because both of the wolves try to dominate my spirit."

The boy looked intently into his Grandfather's eyes and asked, "Which wolf will win, Grandfather?"  The Grandfather smiled and said, "The one I feed." 

Berg Family Update

Several folks have asked what we’re up to… So if that’s not you, I guess you can just ‘like’ this status because you’re in the know!

After leaving NBC in July, we became “professional” vacationers, not really on purpose just a lot of very cool opportunities fell in our lap.  This was amazing not only for the fun times but because one of our main goals for this new season was to turn in as a family and spend lots of time together. 

More recently I took a part-time job with Bixby High School to serve coaches and encourage student-athletes with the Spartan Code (also referred to as #DISC), a leadership curriculum I originally put together for the football team.  I also started taking more speaking opportunities, specifically sharing the ’10 Things You should know about Teens& Tweens’ seminar with schools, churches and even libraries.  Because of these two very cool opportunities and a couple more we are working on but can’t announce publically yet, we have created ‘Surge Leadership.’  This, prayerfully, will be a 501c3 that will umbrella several cool ministry opportunities and also be a beacon of leadership passionately seeking to help change the world. 

As for the rest of the crew… the kids are hopefully beginning to settle in at their new school: Holy Family.  This transition was a combination of a need for a full-day PreK and an incredible offer.  Courtney received that offer, “that she couldn’t refuse,” from Murphy-Francy Law, which just so happens to be two blocks from the kids new school.  Thus, God has been, and is, so good and so faithful, even in the midst of our doubts. 

Thank you to so many who have prayed for us and checked in with us…we cannot even begin to tell you how valuable those texts, calls and cards are to us.  Change is always hard and moving in a new direction is scary, especially when, at first, it appears to be so different from the previous decade.  We are so excited for what we feel is a God led direction and focus.  Please continue to pray for us and if you are looking for more to do, please go ‘like’ and even ‘share’ the new page: Surge Leadership!!  More exciting news to come…

DDW- the Berg clan

www.surgeberg.com 

Jeff, Courtney, Jackson, Creighton and Charleigh

101 Reasons I Love My Wife

- Her smile (specifically cheeks)
- Her heart
- Her transparency in life
- Her passion to Christ
- Her loyalty to others
- Her commitment to me
- Her discipline to be better
- Her vulnerability with me
- Her leadership of others
- Her drive to compete 
- Her intentionality with the kids
- Her willingness to love me
- Her willingness to serve me
- Her look when she's flirting
- Her look when she's mad
- Her desire to be held
- Her need for me
- Her allowing me to lead
- Her encouragement of me
- Her love for her family
- Her family
- Her love of my family
- Her athletic ability 
- Her voice when she's sad
- Her voice when she's happy
- Her laugh
- Her "brown" hair
- Her butt
- Her ability to lead in any situation
- Her desire to know the kids
- Her frustration of running late
- Her word
- Her excitement for candy 
- Her passion
- Her faithfulness to me
- Her deep blue eyes
- Her passion for adoption
- Her sneezes 
- Her smile when she's mad
- Her frustration yet love for the dog
- Her making up words to songs
- Her focus of things I miss
- Her spelling ability 
- Her direction 
- Her sense of humor
- Her desire for deep friendships
- Her friendship to me
- Her ability to bear everyone
- Her competitive edge 
- Her love of excel spreadsheets 
- Her giggle that turns to laughs
- Her "coke bottle" glasses
- Her habit of leaving tags on the floor
- Her slow creep to the middle of the bed 
- Her work ethic
- Her middle toe
- Her commitment to run
- Her love of sleep
- Her love of darkness
- Her traveling "procedures"
- Her willingness to listen
- Her need to feel safe
- Her trust of other people
- Her discernment
- Her voice of reason for me
- Her constant attention to detail
- Her go-getter spirit 
- Her soft tshirts
- Her dancing
- Her desire to make me happy
- Her honesty with herself
- Her willpower to win
- Her ability to be just about everyone 
- Her hair when it has "The wave"
- Her excitement when she has a surprise 
- Her inability to not be surprised
- Her need to raise the bar
- Her education
- Her life experiences 
- Her lack of need of me
- Her need of me
- Her mental toughness 
- Her singing to the kids
- Her apologies 
- Her hesitancy to use bad words
- Her lack of remembering
- Her pride in seeing the kids
- Her prayers for the future 
- Her job
- Her lack of finding a trash can
- Her finishing attitude
- Her resolve to never quit 
- Her belief in me
- Her healthy fears
- Her need for speed
- Her willingness to follow 
- Her strong shoulders
- Her physical toughness
- Her confidence she gives me
- Her courage when she has to
- Her Love 

#HappyAnniversary

To React or to Respond... That is the question

My wife is not only an accomplished volleyball player but she played and coached Division 1 (Go Golden Hurricane) for many years.  Knowing this about my wife is one thing, but finding out in-person is another.  One day several years ago I made the mistake to go "play" some volleyball with her and a group of old players.  I was not too concerned upon arrival knowing I myself was a college athlete and had picked up a few things from watching friends compete in volleyball at school.  Don't get too ahead of me here!!!  It only took two solid "blocks" with my face before I really wanted to know the difference in what my wife was shouting: "You have to respond Jeff... You keep reacting!"  

To me, the average guy, I saw the hitter go up and I embraced for impact... At best I kept my eyes open and once the ball was hit tried to move my arms high enough to return the hit.  This however, is Not responding but only reacting.  What Courtney was trying to tell me was you have to read what they are wanting to do and adjust accordingly.  From years of preparation and practice she was able to determine not just who was going to hit the ball but where it would be hit once it came off the hitters hand!  She took into consideration: who was on the court, how many blockers were at the net, which way her hips were facing, what she had done several plays earlier, etc.  And so in responding she was able to "dig" or return virtually every hit by our opponents... As long as I got my face out of the way!! 

In parenting I see a perfect parallel for us think on...  

Let me paint a quick picture for you:  It's 12:27am and you've called and texted a half a dozen times but have heard nothing.  You have your spouse call your phone to make sure it is working properly.  You check the news to see if there was any big accidents and are just getting ready to text their best friend when... "I'm so sorry!!  I didn't see that you called until just now when I was walking in!!  Can I just have a second, okay third, chance"

How many times have you had this conversation?  Are you being that strict!?  All you are asking for is a simple phone call or even text if you're going to be running late, is that too much to ask!?  What if...

Do you React or Respond?

Are you prepared to respond?  I bet when you think about it you can see some common behaviors that have surfaced.  I bet you can probably guess that at some point the boundaries will be tested (and probably already have).  I bet you can even predict that some choices change depending on who they are with and what they went out to do.

"Reacting is based on emotion, which we all know is rampant when dealing with a teenager.  

We Respond to the situation when we step back from the emotion and take a moment to think through what is really going on.  It’s not easy!  Parents, the secret is out. The map to your “buttons” has been published, and your teen will push them…Repeatedly!!  But we do our own share of pushing, don’t we?  You know what makes your teenager crazy and sometimes, just sometimes, it feels really good to give them a good share of their own medicine.  At least for a moment, until we realize we have done exactly what we are trying to teach them NOT to do!" (by ParentMinistry.net)

Three quick things to consider when rewiring ourselves to Respond:

• Discipline is about Training not about Punishment... It's not just to remember the ouch but the why.  Know why you said no. If it doesn’t make sense, have the courage to retract it.  Second chances are always necessary when it comes to our teens.  Grace always gives a redo. Give yourself grace too.
• Breathing… it gives you a moment to lower your blood pressure.  The part of our teen’s brain that controls reasoning is still underdeveloped at this point.  They use a different part of the brain geared towards instinctual decisions or risk taking.  Peer pressure is a large influence in our teen’s decisions.  At this point of our teen’s development, they are trying to become independent of us.
• Develop Contracts for the major occasions (Cell Phone, Driving, etc.)  Clearly communicate the expectations and consequences, as well as, the desires of both the parent and the teenager.  Make a plan for when trust is broken, so that it can be restored allowing the relationship between parent and teenager to grow.  Agree together ahead of time how to handle the unexpected events. 

"Your teen’s personality can play a large part of how they respond to certain situations. Some are sensitive and appear not to react outwardly.  But that doesn’t mean a thing. Inwardly they could be screaming at you.  Some teens are passionately vocal.  They are very certain you know exactly how they feel.  They all deserve our respect and guidance.  Reacting is easy, responding isn’t.  Responding shows your teen that you love them enough to stop for a moment and make sure what you are saying or doing is based on truth and not emotion.  Reacting can be a really selfish act.  We want to get our point across at all costs.  Sometimes the cost is just a little too high.  It can cost the trust our teens have in us.  Can your teen trust that you will respond and not react to any given situation.  Have the courage to ask your teen if you respond or react and then give them permission to tell you how they wish you would handle these situations.  It takes a brave and humble parent to realize that before we can teach our teens this concept maybe we should learn it for ourselves!" (by ParentMinistry.net)

For some of us resolving conflict in a healthy way is difficult because of our own baggage growing up.  Perhaps you were raised in a home that had a “take no prisoners” mentality when it came to conflict.  Win at all costs was the name of the game.  You learned early on that your job was to watch your own back, defend yourself, and never back down... But if you are willing to develop new habits and value loving more than being declared right, then your whole family wins!!

**If you are interested in my personal three-hour training of the '10 Things YOU Should Know About Teens & Tweens' please e-mail me for a FREE copy of the manuel and video link!!

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