The man who wanted a lion tattoo

Once there was a man who went to a tattooist because he had always wanted a tattoo of a lion on his shoulder.

The tattooist started to sketch the tail into the man's back: 'Ouch! What are you doing?' asked the man. 

'I'm doing the lion's tail' replied the tattooist. 

'Well then for goodness sake let's have a lion without a tail!' said the man, wincing in pain.

Next the artist set about on the Lion's whiskers. 'Ouch!' cried the man, 'What's that?' 

'The whiskers!' said the tatooist, getting increasingly irritated. 

'Well let's have a lion without whiskers!' moaned his customer.

The tattooist then set about doing the Lion's back. 'No that hurts too!' shouted the man. 

At this, the tattooist finally lost patience with the man shouting, 'How can you expect to get what you want without a little discomfort?'

- Masnavi Story

How Bad Do You Want It?

There was a high school football team that practiced near a small lake. Across the lake lived Coach Jones, the most successful coach in the history of the state. Coach Jones had accumulated more victories, League Championships and State Championships than any other coach in the state’s history. Coach Jones was now retired.

For years this high school team would come out and practice, and practice very hard. As hard as team the could possibly practice. However, no matter how hard they practiced, they just could not seem to win the “big one”. Every day the retired coach would sit across the lake in his lawn chair and watch them practice.

One day the captain of the team decided he was going to go talk to Coach Jones and ask him what the team was doing wrong; why they couldn’t win the “big one”. So the captain of the team went around the lake and said, “Coach, I know you watch us practice every day. I know that you see how hard we practice. You are an experienced winner! Is there anything that you can tell us that can help us win the Championship?”

Coach Jones put his arm around the player and walked him near the edge of the lake. Suddenly, the coach grabbed the captain, thrust his head into the water, and held him down under the water.

When it appeared that the team captain was about to drown, Coach Jones pulled him up and said, “When you want to win that Championship game as much as you wanted that next breath of air, then that is when you will win it”.

- Unknown

The Blind Boy

A blind boy sat on the steps of a building with a hat by his feet. He held up a sign which said: "I am blind, please help." There were only a few coins in the hat.

A man was walking by. He took a few coins from his pocket and dropped them into the hat. He then took the sign, turned it around, and wrote some words. He put the sign back so that everyone who walked by would see the new words. Soon the hat began to fill up.

A lot more people were giving money to the blind boy. That afternoon the man who had changed the sign came to see how things were. The boy recognized his footsteps and asked, "Were you the one who changed my sign this morning? What did you write?"

The man said, "I only wrote the truth. I said what you said but in a different way." I wrote: "Today is a beautiful day but I cannot see it." Both signs told people that the boy was blind. But the first sign simply said the boy was blind. The second sign told people that they were so lucky that they were not blind. Should we be surprised that the second sign was more effective? 

Moral of the Story: Be thankful for what you have!

Be creative.  Be innovative.  Think differently and positively.  When life gives you a 100 reasons to cry, show life that you have 1000 reasons to smile. Face your past without regret.   Handle your present with confidence.  Prepare for the future without fear.  Keep the faith and drop the worry.  

It is a beautiful thing to see a person smiling.  And even more beautiful, knowing that youare the reason behind it!!!  Catch yourself when you start complaining about what you don't have.  Enjoy your day with a heart of gratitude.

The Carpenter's House

An elderly carpenter was due to retire.  He told his employer of his plans to leave the business and start a life of leisure with his wife and extended family.  He would miss the money, but the time was right and he was ready to hang up his hammer.

His boss was disappointed as the carpenter had been a loyal and diligent worker for many years, so he was sad to see him go.  He asked for one last favour, requesting that the carpenter could build one last house before retiring.  The tradesman agreed, but it was soon clear that his heart wasn’t in it.

He took shortcuts, used inferior materials and put in a half-hearted effort.  In the end the final product was well short of his usual standards, a disappointing way to end his career.  When the job was finished, the employer came to inspect the work.  After taking a look around, he handed the keys to the carpenter and said, “This is your house, it’s my gift to you.”

The carpenter was shocked and embarrassed.  If only he had known, he would have made sure that everything was perfect.  If he had known the consequences, he would have demanded excellence from himself.

We’re not that different.  We go about our business, working as we see fit.  

Some with passion, some without caring.

Some with excellence, some with low standards.

Some with diligence, some without effort.

We are all in the process of building our own lives.

If you’re not happy with what you see, perhaps it’s a direct consequence of what you’ve been building over the years... Build wisely!

- Unknown

The Stonecutter

There was once a miserable old stone cutter who spent all his working life cutting out stone from the base of a mountain. One day, while working in the hot, midday sun, the stone cutter looked up at the blazing sun and wondered at its power.

“I wish I was something powerful and strong,” he thought. “I wish I was the sun.”
Then, something amazing happened. The stone cutter became the sun. He felt powerful and strong as he made those down below swelter in his hot, burning rays. But then a cloud came by, totally blocking his view. “The sun is powerful,” he thought, “but the cloud has even more power. I wish I was a cloud.”

And the stone cutter was suddenly a rain cloud, raining down on those below and it felt good watching them run for shelter. But then the wind started to blow him this way and that, that way and this.

“The wind is stronger and more powerful than a cloud,” he thought. “I wish I was this wind.”

And in an instant he was the wind and how he enjoyed buffeting the clouds, the trees, the umbrellas, everything he touched, until he blew against the mountain where even his most ferocious efforts made no difference at all.

“The mountain is so strong and powerful,” he thought. “I wish I was the mountain.” And so the stone cutter became the mountain.

It wasn't long before he felt a painful cutting at his side. He looked down and there he saw another stone cutter, chipping away at him. “The mountain is powerful and strong,” he thought, “but a stone cutter has even more power than me. I wish I was a stone cutter.”

And so the Stone Cutter found himself back at his work at the base of the mountain, only now, he had a contented smile on his face! 

- Japanese Legend

Want to read the longer version: 

Once upon a time there lived a stonecutter, who went every day to a great rock in the side of a big mountain and cut out slabs for gravestones or for houses. He understood very well the kinds of stones wanted for the different purposes, and as he was a careful workman he had plenty of customers. For a long time he was quite happy and contented, and asked for nothing better than what he had.

Now in the mountain dwelt a spirit which now and then appeared to men, and helped them in many ways to become rich and prosperous. The stonecutter, however, had never seen this spirit, and only shook his head, with an unbelieving air, when anyone spoke of it. But a time was coming when he learned to change his opinion.

One day the stonecutter carried a gravestone to the house of a rich man, and saw there all sorts of beautiful things, of which he had never even dreamed. Suddenly his daily work seemed to grow harder and heavier, and he said to himself: “Oh, if only I were a rich man, and could sleep in a bed with silken curtains and golden tassels, how happy I should be!”

And a voice answered him: “Your wish is heard; a rich man you shall be!”

At the sound of the voice the stonecutter looked around, but could see nobody. He thought it was all his fancy, and picked up his tools and went home, for he did not feel inclined to do any more work that day. But when he reached the little house where he lived, he stood still with amazement, for instead of his wooden hut was a stately palace filled with splendid furniture, and most splendid of all was the bed, in every respect like the one he had envied. He was nearly beside himself with joy, and in his new life the old one was soon forgotten.

It was now the beginning of summer, and each day the sun blazed more fiercely. One morning the heat was so great that the stonecutter could scarcely breathe, and he determined he would stop at home till the evening. He was rather dull, for he had never learned how to amuse himself, and was peeping through the closed blinds to see what was going on in the street, when a little carriage passed by, drawn by servants dressed in blue and silver. In the carriage sat a prince, and over his head a golden umbrella was held, to protect him from the sun’s rays.

“Oh, if I were only a prince!” said the stonecutter to himself, as the carriage vanished around the corner. “Oh, if I were only a prince, and could go in such a carriage and have a golden umbrella held over me, how happy I should be!”

And a prince he was. Before his carriage rode one company of men and another behind it; servants dressed in scarlet and gold bore him along, the coveted umbrella was held over his head, everything his heart could desire was his. But yet it was not enough. He looked around still for something to wish for, and when he saw that in spite of the water he poured on the grass the rays of the sun scorched it, and that in spite of the umbrella held over his head each day his face grew browner and browner, he cried in his anger: “The sun is mightier than I; oh, if I were only the sun!”

And the mountain spirit answered: “Your wish is heard; the sun you shall be.”

And the sun he was, and felt himself proud in his power. He shot his beams above and below, on earth and in heaven; he burnt up the grass in the fields and scorched the faces of princes as well as of poorer folk. but in a short time he began to grow tired of his might, for there seemed nothing left for him to do. Discontent once more filled his soul, and when a cloud covered his face, and hid the earth from him, he cried in his anger: “Does the cloud hold captive my rays, and is it mightier than I? Oh, that I were a cloud, and mightier than any!”

And the mountain spirit answered: “Your wish is heard; a cloud you shall be!”

And a cloud he was, and lay between the sun and the earth. He caught the sun’s beams and held them, and to his joy the earth grew green again and flowers blossomed. But that was not enough for him, and for days and week he poured forth rain till the rivers overflowed their banks, and the crops of rice stood in water. Towns and villages were destroyed by the power of the rain, only the great rock on the mountainside remained unmoved. The cloud was amazed at the sight, and cried in wonder: “Is the rock, then, mightier than I? Oh, if I were only the rock!”

And the mountain spirit answered; “Your wish is heard; the rock you shall be!”

And the rock he was, and gloried in his power. Proudly he stood, and neither the heat of the sun nor the force of the rain could move him. “This is better than all!” he said to himself. But one day he heard a strange noise at his feet, and when he looked down to see what it could be, he saw a stonecutter driving tools into his surface. Even while he looked a trembling feeling ran all through him, and a great block broke off and fell upon the ground. Then he cried in his wrath: “Is a mere child of earth mightier than a rock? Oh, if I were only a man!”

And the mountain spirit answered: “Your wish is heard. A man once more you shall be!”

And a man he was, and in the sweat of his brow he toiled again at his trade of stone cutting. His bed was hard and his food scanty, but he had learned to be satisfied with it, and did not long to be something or somebody else. And as he never asked for things he did not have, or desired to be greater and mightier than other people, he was happy at last, and never again heard the voice of the mountain spirit.

Rich & Poor

One day a wealthy dad took his son on a trip to village.  He wanted to show him how poor someone can be. 

They spent time on the farm of a poor family and soaked in as much as they could.

On the ride home the dad asked, “what did you see?”

The boy answered, “we have one dog… they have four, we have a pool… they have rivers, we have lights at night… they have stars, we buy food… they grow theirs, we have walls to protect us… they have friends.”

The dad was surprised.  In hoping to show the boy how poor THEY WERE the son was able to show his father how much THEY HAD. 

After a pause the boy said, “Thanks dad for showing me it is not about money that makes us rich it’s about simplicity and appreciation.”

The Glass of Water

The Professor began his class by holding up a glass with some water in it. He held it up for all to see and asked the students “How much do you think this glass weighs?”

’50gms!’….. ’100gms!’ …..’125 gms’ …the students answered.

“I really don’t know unless I weigh it,” said the professor, “but, my question is: What would happen if I held it up like this for a few minutes?”…. .

‘Nothing’ …..the students said.

‘Ok what would happen if I held it up like this for an hour?’ the professor asked.

‘Your arm would begin to ache’ said one of the student

“You’re right, now what would happen if I held it for a day?”

“Your arm could go numb; you might have severe muscle stress and paralysis & have to go to hospital for sure!” … Ventured another student and all the students laughed

“Very good.  But during all this, did the weight of the glass change?” Asked the professor.

‘No’…. Was the answer.

“Then what caused the arm ache & the muscle stress?”  The students were puzzled.
“What should I do now to come out of pain?” asked professor again.

“Put the glass down!” said one of the students

“Exactly!” said the professor.  Life’s problems are something like this.  Hold it for a few minutes in your head and they seem OK.  Think of them for a long time and they begin to ache.  Hold it even longer & they begin to paralyze you. You will not be able to do anything.  It’s important to think of the challenges or problems in your life, But EVEN MORE IMPORTANT is to ‘PUT THEM DOWN’ at the end of every day before you go to sleep… That way, you are not stressed, you wake up every day fresh and strong and can handle any issue, any challenge that comes your way!

So, when you start your day today, Remember friend to 'PUT THE GLASS DOWN TODAY!'

Top 10 Things I Learned About Life...Playing Tetris

I recently started playing Tetris again (since there is a sweet app for your phone) and have been blown away how fast I was addicted... Again... 30 years later!!

Couple facts you may not have known about Tetris:
- With over 145 million copies sold, Tetris is the #1 selling video game of ALL TIME!!
- It was thought up by a programmer who was just bored at work.
- It's name comes from two words: Tetra (the Greek word for four, which is how many blocks are in each puzzle piece) and Tennis (the programmers favorite sport).
- Originally purchased by an American for a very small amount (original "contract" written on a napkin), Nintendo had to return and purchase the rights again for wide-release on the Gameboy in 1984.

Here is an old post revisited (found it on my Xanga page... You heard me, XANGA)!!

Top 10 Things I learned about life... Playing Tetris

10) It pays to be neat. If you're playing it right, there's a place for everything (and everybody...no matter what shape)!!
9) If you slack off and get behind, it's awfully hard to work your way out of it!!
8) Planning ahead is a real good idea!!
7) You don't always get what you want, but you have to deal with whatever you get!!
6) If you practice, you'll get better!!
5) Cursing doesn't help!!
4) If you make a mistake, fast fingers and clever thinking will maybe get you out of it, but it's best to do it right the first time!!
3) Too much of anything is rarely a good thing!!
2) Life gets a lot easier if you keep an eye out for what's coming next!!
1) Eventually every game ends, and there's no use crying about it!!

*If you have NO IDEA what I'm talking about... Please do me and yourself a favor: Click here!!
**If you want to play some Tetris for FREE: click here!!

Want more on Video Games!?  Here's a post for parents with some helpful ideas to keep in mind in regards to Video Games for YOU and your kids: Click Here!!  

Yeah... So this is the HTML code from my old Xanga Page!!

Fri, 07 Aug 2009
Forgot this even was here!!


Tue, 10 Jun 2008
I'm bringing Xanga back ((maybe))- drop a comment if you're with me!


Tue, 25 Mar 2008
Didn't know if anyone is still on this...
BUT www.surgeberg.blogspot.com is where i'm at... Bring it!!


Sun, 22 Jul 2007
DOES ANYONE STILL READ THIS???
JUST CHECKING!!!


Tue, 26 Dec 2006
MERRY CHRISTMAS to all...
and to all a good night!!


Tue, 31 Oct 2006

Top 10 things to do to your co-workers

10. Bring some dry ice & make it look like your computer is smoking.
9. Come to the lab wearing several layers of socks. Remove shoes and place them of top of the monitor. Remove socks layer by layer and drape them around the monitor. Exclaim sudden haiku about the aesthetic beauty of cotton on plastic.
8. Take the keyboard and sit under the computer. Type up your paper like this. Then go to the lab supervisor and complain about the bad working conditions.
7. Bring in a bunch of magnets and have fun.
6. Point at the screen. Chant in a made-up language while making elaborate hand gestures for a minute or two. Press return or the mouse, then leap back and yell "COVEEEEERRRRRR!" peek up from under the table, walk back to the computer and say. "Oh, good. It worked this time," and calmly start to type again.
5. Keep looking at invisible bugs and trying to swat them.
4. Sneak up behind some engrossed in their work screaming, "DISK FIGHT!!!" and bop them on the head with a disk.
3. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.
2. Get a pair of 3-d glasses. Wobble around while walking and keep yelling, "Whoa, that looked so real!"
1. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.

Mon, 16 Oct 2006

Top 10 things to do in an elevator

10) Make racecar noises when anyone gets on or off.
9) Bring a chair along.
8) Meow occasionally.
7) Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
6) Say "Ding!" at each floor.
5) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
4) Ask passengers getting on if you can push the button for them.
3) Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other people "through" it.

2) Offer nametags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
1) Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

Thu, 05 Oct 2006

Long live Xanga...

Don't let myspace and facebook kill it!!

Must continue to post...

Sun, 20 Aug 2006
Top 10 Reasons you should come to the Nikao kick-off:

10) New 2006 Theme T-shirts will be in...

9) Its the biggest party of the year...

8) Because its at GCC and that's my church...

7) It's Free...

6) You want to win a "1 heart nikao" shirt...

5) It's much more fun than doing your homework...

4) Hundred's of dollars in free prizes...

3) Jeff will be there...

2) You have nothing better to do...

1) The God of the univerise will be there...

Tue, 15 Aug 2006

Tomorrow (Wednesday) from 6:30pm to 8:00pm at GCC...
Welcome back to school everyone!!!  By the way... Pool party at the Potter's Sunday night from 6:30pm to 8:00pm (do you see the pattern?? 6:30pm to 8:00pm every Sunday and WEdnesday)
P.S. I don't like sophmores anymore!! :)


Sun, 13 Aug 2006


If you are in one of the pictures above OR you know someone who is... You're invited!!
Tomorrow, MONDAY!!! @ 7pm at my house (berg's)

If you are going into the 10th grade you're invited!! If you don't know where i live call one of the sophmore's in the picture of the pyramid under my pics :) or just call me!! If you don't have my number call me 333-2030...

Can't wait to see you...


Fri, 28 Jul 2006
Top 10 pics of YOU!!
10
9
8
7
6
5
4
3
2
1
Nikao this week (Wednesday) 6:30pm to 8pm!! (2 miles east off US 75 on Nowata)


Tue, 27 Jun 2006
Top 15 things to do when you're bored:

1.      Drop a cat from a high place, to see if it really does land on all fours.

2.      Repeat above until failure.

3.      Wash a tree. 

4.  Paint your windows.

5.  Turn your TV picture tube upside down.

6.  Put lighted EXIT signs on all your closets.

7.  Be in the wrong place at the right time.

8.  Factor your social security number.

9.  Count to a million...fast.

10.  Run around in squares.

11.  Apply for a Unicorn Hunting License. 

12.  Put legwarmers on all your furniture.   

13.  Change your name...daily.   

14.  Make a list of things to do when bored.

15. Renumber the list you just read

Wed, 14 Jun 2006 15:01:06 -04:00
Top 10 stories to show you how dumb people are (hopefully these stories aren't about any of you, but i'll cross my fingers :)):

10) Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

9) I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider," looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today." She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.

8) A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."

7) I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."

6) Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.

5) I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "Cruise Control" and then went in the back to make a tuna sandwich.

4) My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

3) Police in Radnor, Pa, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

2) A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants, the dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and should be fine, the mother says, I just gave him some ant killer...Dispatcher: Rush him in to Emergency!

1) I’ll leave you in suspense!!

Sat, 20 May 2006

Top 10 reasons you would miss Wednesday Night Nikao:

10) You felt it was too late and you need your beauty sleep…

9)   You didn’t feel like it because power rangers were on…

8)   You were sick (as in blowing chunks)…

7) You don’t like the Bible…

6)   You couldn’t find the church, the big building we were all parked in front of…

5)   You didn’t set your clock ahead at daylight savings time… (months ago)

4)   You don't like being spiritual and having fun…

3)   Your name is ___________ (didn't think i should call folks out :))…

2)   You didn’t want to wear your black robe and drink the ceremonial blood…

1)   You know all the answers to deep Biblical and Theological questions…

Tue, 02 May 2006
Top 10 appologies for not having a top 10:

10) I'm Sorry

9) I am a bad bad man...

8) Jackson can't read yet...

7) I would rather tell you in person...

6) No one reads them anyway...

5) Computers scare me...

4) Watching '24' really takes it out of you...

3) I was up late filling my kiddie pool...

2) Didn't have any time...

1) I sip!!

Tue, 25 Apr 2006
Top 10 Things to do in a pool

10) Stand on top of the high board and say you won't come down until your demands are met.
9) Tell the lifeguards that they aren't doing their jobs because you have seen at least 15 people drown today.
8) Ask people if they have seen your pet shark.
7) Take a flutter/kick board and pretend you can't swim.
6) Hit strangers with your flutter/kick board.
5) Ask an attractive lifeguard to practice CPR on you.
4) Sit on the top of the water slide and don't move.  Tell them your stuck!
3) Try to negotiate the price of getting in.
2) Scream as someone is trying to do something when jumping off of a diving board.
1) Play Marco-Polo by yourself.

Tue, 11 Apr 2006
Top 10 things to do at work

10. Name all your pens and insist that meetings can't begin until they're all present.
9. Schedule meetings for 4:14 PM.
8. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers or tape dispensers.
7. "Hi-lite" your shoes. Tell people that you haven't lost your shoes since you did this.
6. While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in "Palmolive".
5. When co-worker walks by motion him over, lean forward as if you are about to say something then go back to work.
4. Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)
3. Send email to the rest of the company telling them what you're doing. For example, "If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathroom."
2. Include a personal note on every email that you send. "On a personal note, I'm feeling a bit tired and grumpy today." "On a personal note, I'm pleased to announce that I got my highest score ever on Tetris last night."
1. Every time you enter the room, sit in a chair, lean back too far, and fall over backwards. Laugh hysterically for about ten minutes. Then, one day, repeat the falling-over exercise, but instead of laughing, get up, look at the chair sternly, and say, "It's not funny anymore."

Tue, 04 Apr 2006

Top 10 things to do just to be random (i.e. annoy everyone):

10) Smile -- All the time.
9) Always flush the toilet three times.
8) Listen to radio static.
7) Open your window shades before you go to sleep each night. Close them as soon as you wake up.
6) Whenever you go to sleep, starts jumping on your bed . . . do so for a while, then jump really high and act like you hit your head on the ceiling. Crumple onto your bed and fake like you were knocked out . . . use this method to fall asleep...every night for a month.
5) Get a computer. Leave it on when you are not using it. Turn it off when you are.
4) Whenever the phone rings, get up and answer the door
3) Whenever someone knocks, answer the phone.
2) Buy Sea Monkeys and grow them. When one dies go into mourning for a day. Keep this up until they all die. (Note: there are many sea monkeys in a package!!)
1) Spend all your money on Transformers. Play with them at night. If anyone says anything, tell him/her with a straight face, "They're more than meets the eye."

Tue, 28 Mar 2006

Another Top 10 things we wouldn't know without movies:

10) It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
9) During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
8) All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
7) The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
6) It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
5) When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
4) Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
3) Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.

2) A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
1) Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

Mon, 20 Mar 2006

New Top 10 REAL inventions

10) Non stick Cellotape

9) Solar Powered Flash Light 

8) Inflatable Anchor 

7) Smooth Sandpaper 

6) Waterproof sponge

5) Fireproof Matches

4)  Battery powered Battery Charger

3) Inflatable Dartboard

2) A Pedal powered wheelchair

1) Braille Drivers Manual  

Tue, 07 Mar 2006

Well No regular Nikao this week!!  Our church is having the GCC Concert of Prayer... which you all are invited to, but it will be alot different than a Nikao night!!  I will be there... So if you want to come, bring it on!! However...

Also remember our spring break events:

Middle School Lock-In Friday 8pm - 8am (admission is $2 and a 2 littter)

2006 Halofest Monday from Noon to 5pm (Free)

Girls night out Monday from 7pm to Midnight (bring $5)

TBA hang out time at Berg's

And for your enjoyment since many will be swiming over Spring Break...

Top 10 things to do at a public pool:

10) Stand on top of the high board and say you won't come down until your demands are met.
9) Tell the lifeguards that they aren't doing their jobs because you have seen at least 15 people drown today.
8) Ask people if they have seen your pet shark.
7) Take a flutter/kick board and pretend you can't swim.
6) Hit strangers with your flutter/kick board.
5) Ask an attractive lifeguard to practice CPR on you.
4) Sit on the top of the water slide and don't move.  Tell them your stuck!
3) Try to negotiate the price of getting in.
2) Scream as someone is trying to do something when jumping off of a diving board.
1) Play Marco-Polo by yourself.

Mon, 27 Feb 2006

Top 10 things we wouldn't know without movies
10. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently wait to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors. 

9. Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
8. An electric fence powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.
7. It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
6. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
5. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
4. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
3. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war - unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
2. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
1. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade -- at any time of the year.

Nikao this Wednesday… @ 6:30pm at Grace Community Church

Be there or be not cool!!

Tue, 21 Feb 2006
Nikao is tomorrow (Wednesday at 6:30pm) and i hope to see all of you there... I hope you are excited about all the new things we are doing at Grace!!  I know i am... Come tomorrow and bring a friend for week four in out "Boy meets girls series"!!  You are all awesome... - jeff

Top 10 Christian Dating Tips for 

Effective Missionary Dating

10) If he tells your that you are hot...
Tell him God made you hot.

9) If he wants to hold your hand...
Give him a Bible.

8) If he tries to get closer...
Tell him the Holy Spirit is wooing him.

7) If he asks to pay for dinner...
Remind him that Jesus also paid a debt He did not owe!

6) If he reaches his arm around you...
Tell him that nobody will ever be as close to you as Jesus is.
(or ask him if you instead could "lay hands" on him in prayer)

5) If he asks to come inside...
Ask him if he has asked Jesus to come inside his heart.

4) If he tells you he loves you...
Tell him that Jesus loves him.

3) If he tries to kiss you...
Remind him that a kiss killed your Savior.
(and you're not ready to "speak in tongues")

2) If he gets angry that you won't put out...
Clarify to him that W.W.J.D. does NOT mean "Who would Jesus Do."

1) After you dump him...
Tell him that Jesus Christ will never leave or forsake him.

Sun, 12 Feb 2006

For those of you who missed Nikao this last week... Here are the top 15 reasons from the talk: The differences between boys and girls!!

Remember to come this week (Wednesday Feb. 15th @ 6:30pm)

I love you guys, Don't do drugs, Don't die!!

Top 15 Reasons its good to be a GUY:

15) Your pals won’t trap you with: “So…Notice anything different?”

14) Underwear comes in a 3 pack for $10

13) One word…Urinal!!

12) You can drop by to see a friend without brining a gift

11) You don’t get robbed blind at the hair cutters (Excuse me, I mean hair stylist)

10) Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat

9) A five-day vacation requires one suitcase

8) If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends

7) If something mechanical doesn’t work, you can bash it with a hammer.

6) You can go to the bathroom without a support group

5) If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend

4) Three pairs of shoes are more than enough

3) You can be showered and ready in under 10 minutes

2) You can watch a game with a buddy for hours without ever thinking “He is mad at me”

1) One mood all the time

Top 15 Reasons its good to be a GAL:

15) Short girls are "petite". Short guys are "midgets".

14) You have the ability to dress yourselves

13) You can always find a sucker to pump your gas for you.

12) They’ll never regret piercing our ears.

11) You can practically eat free at all meals (just ask a guy…and bat the eyes)

10) You can be groupies…Guys that are “groupies” are called stalkers

9) You can cry and get out of speeding tickets

8) You live on average 10 to 15 years longer

7) New lipstick apparently gives you a whole new outlook on life

6) You can talk to people of the opposite sex without thinking “he/she wants me”

5) Mo matter how long it takes to get ready, guys will always wait for you.

4) Men are optional.

3) If you forget to shave nobody has to know

2) You can make mean comments about guys, because they aren't listening anyway.

1) You can congratulate your teammate without every touching their butt

Tue, 07 Feb 2006

Nikao tonight (Wednesday) at 6:30pm

High School go directly to the Worship Center

Middle School go directly to the Youth Room

Grace Community Church (2 miles east of US 75 on Nowata)

 

Boy Meets Girl

The differences between boys and girls (Relationships)

Can't wait to see you guys there...

Fri, 03 Feb 2006

Top 10 “REAL” funny newspaper headlines:
10) Queen Mary having bottom scraped
9) Smokers are productive, but death cuts efficiency
8) Cold wave linked to temperatures
7) Panda mating fails - veterinarian takes over 
6) Grandmother of eight makes hole in one
5) War dims hope for peace

4) Enraged cow injures farmer with ax

3) Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say

2) If strike isn't settled quickly it may last a while

1) Iraqi head seeks arms

Sat, 28 Jan 2006

Hey fill these 12 questions out for Court everybody!!  She wants a 100 answers so send it to others too!! Thanks - jeff 1) What time was your curphew when you were growing up?
2) What was the best gift you ever received from your family?
3) What age is appropriate for girls to begin dating?
4) What does your dad like to do in his spare time?
5) Name your favorite restaurant?
6) What is the location of your most memorable family vacation?
7) Name a board game that families most often play together?
8)What is the most popular TV series?
9) Name the top reality TV show?
10) How much time does the average teenage girl spend in front of the mirror in the morning?
11)What is the age that most girls get married?
12) what is the age that fathers want their daughters to get married?

Thu, 26 Jan 2006

Top 10 questions I don’t understand:

10) Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

9) If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

8) Why is phonics not spelled the way it sounds?

7) Doesn't 'expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

6) Why are a 'wise man' and a 'wise guy' opposites?

5) How come abbreviated is such a long word?

4) Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

3) Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

2) Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

1) If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

Hey thanks for coming to Nikao last night (to some of you that did :))

Can't wait to see you next week!!!!!!!!

Wed, 18 Jan 2006
Top 10 things I Learned About Life From Playing Tetris:

10) It pays to be neat. If you're playing it right, there's a place for everything--and everybody--no matter what shape…

9) If you slack off and get behind, it's awfully hard to work your way out of it...

8) Planning ahead is a real good idea...

7) You don't always get what you want, but you have to deal with whatever you get...

6) If you practice, you'll get better...

5) Cursing doesn't help...

4) If you make a mistake, fast fingers and clever thinking will maybe get you out of it, but it's best to do it right the first time...

3) Too much of anything is rarely a good thing…

2) Life gets a lot easier if you keep an eye out for what's coming next…

1) Eventually every game ends, and there's no use crying about it...

Hey all, Nikao TONIGHT

(2 miles east on Nowata, behind Grace Community Church)!!!

Middle School from 6pm to 7:15pm 

High School from 7:30pm to 8:45pm

Wed, 28 Dec 2005
10) Wear a hood with one eyehole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises.
9) Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a student and scream "YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"
8) Sprint from the room in a panic if you hear sirens outside.
7) Wear mirrored sunglasses and speak only in Turkish. Ignore all questions.
6) Ask occassional questions, but mutter "as if you gibbering simps would know" and move on before anyone can answer.
5) Wear a feather boa and ask students to call you "Snuggles".
4) Growl constantly and address friends as "matey".
3) Every so often, freeze in mid sentence and stare off into space for several minutes. After a long, awkward silence, resume your sentence and proceed normally.
2) Go around asking random questions, and time their responses with a stop watch.
1) Jog into class, rip the textbook in half, and scream, "Are you pumped? ARE YOU PUMPED? I CAN'T HEEEEEEAR YOU!"

P.S. No Nikao tonight!! (But call me we can go hangout...)


Tue, 06 Dec 2005
Top 10 things my mom taught me...

10) My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE:

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished

cleaning!"

 

9) My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of

next week!"

 

8) My mother taught me LOGIC:

"Because I said so, that's why."

 

7) My mother taught me FORESIGHT:

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

 

6) My mother taught me about STAMINA:

"You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."

 

5) My mother taught me about WEATHER:

"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

 

4) My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY:

"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't

Exaggerate!!!"

 

3) My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE:

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

 

2) My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION:

"Stop acting like your father!"

 

1) My mother taught me about ENVY:

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't

have wonderful parents like you do!"

 

BONUS **) My mother taught me RELIGION:

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

 

THANKS, MOM !

Mon, 21 Nov 2005
Top 10 ways to handle stress...

10) Jam tiny marshmallows up your nose and try to sneeze them out...

9) Make a list of things you have already done...

8) Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on...

7) Turn off the TV when OU is playing...

6) Use your mastercard to pay for your VISA...

5) Go to youth group (I had to throw this in)...

4) When someone says, "Have a nice day!", tell them you have other plans...

3) Thumb through National Geographic and draw underwear on the natives...

2) "Hi-Lite" your shoes...

1) Bill your doctor for time spent in his/her waiting room...

Sat, 12 Nov 2005
TEN WORDS THAT DON'T EXIST BUT SHOULD
 10)  AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks'trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.
 9)  CARPERPETUATION (kar'pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
 8)  DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of confection (lolly) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow 'remove' all the germs.
 7)  ELBONICS (el bon'iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.
 6)  FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
 5)  LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side.
 4)  PEPPIER (peph ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want fresh ground pepper.
 3)  PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
 2)  PUPKUS (pup'kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.
1) TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.


Mon, 07 Nov 2005

Top 10 reason why god created Eve

10)  God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.

9)      God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote.

8)      God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him.

7)      God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor's, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.

6)      God knew Adam would never remember which night to put the garbage on the curb.

5)      God knew if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.

4)      Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.

3)      As the Bible says, It is not good for man to be alone!

2)      When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head, and said, "I can do better than that!"

1)      As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools.

Sorry fellas... i will work on a top 10 of why God created Adam later!! Remember same bat time, same bat channel....

Sun, 16 Oct 2005

Top 10 ways to say “you’re stupid” without saying it:

10) Their a few fries short of a Happy Meal

9) Their wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead

8) One taco short of a combination plate

7) Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor

6) His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels

5) If he had another brain, it would be lonely

4) Apparently his skylight leaks a little

3) An intellect rivaled only by garden tools

2) Too much yardage between the goal posts

1) In the pinball game of life, his flippers were a little further apart than most

Wed, 21 Sep 2005

See You At The PARTY!!!

Tonight @ 7pm

at the Oklahoma Wesleyan Univeristy Chapel

We have an awesome band playing...Overflow

An awesome speaker...Brenton

An awesome highlight video from todays See You At The Pole

and best of all, it's all FREE!!!!

So make sure you come early to ensure yourself a seat...

Remeber ALL area youth are invited and it is probably going to be the coolest thing since sliced bread!! :)
Can't wait to see each one of you there...


Fri, 26 Aug 2005
For those of you whom missed Nikao this week (Ummmm: Hollis), I wanted to give you a taste of what we talked about... "It's Forever, Choose Wisely" and for some fun I put together a top 10 list so here it is:
Top 10 examples of NOT choosing wisely!! 
10)
9)
8)
7)
6)
5)
4)
3)
2)
1)


Sat, 30 Jul 2005 
Hey this Wednesday is the last Nikao of the Summer!!!  (Our kick-off is the 24th of August though :)) So here is a top ten list of reason to come to Nikao this week:

10) It's the last one for three weeks!!

9) There's a guest speaker (so we don't have to listen to jeff)...

8) To find out what the rest of the summer schedule is for Nikao...

7) New tape on the floor for 4-Square...

6) Jeff is cool!!

5) You haven't been a very long time...

4) New checker pieces to play with...

3) Jeff is cool!!

2) To see the new video screen...

1) God would want you to.... :)

 

Wed, 13 Jul 2005 11:22:09 -04:00

Top 10 questions I have:

10) Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of its bottle?

9) Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

8) Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

7) Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

6) Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

5) If Wal-Mart is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

4) If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

3) If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

2) How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

1) If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

 

**) You know that little indestructible black box that is always found at the crash site? Why not make the whole plane out of the same substance?

Stay tuned next week... For same bat time and same bat channel!!!


Wed, 06 Jul 2005

Yes!! Welcome to the next level!! JAX...is the man!!!


Mon, 20 Jun 2005

It's been awhile so here you go... Exspect to see more soon!!

Top 10 inventions I’d like to see happen…

10. Fireproof Cigarettes
9. Battery powered Battery Charger
8. Seatbelts for Motorbikes
7. Waterproof Teabags   
6. Inflatable Dartboard
5. A black highlighter pen
4. A Pedal powered wheelchair
3. Braille Drivers Manual
2. Double sided playing cards
1. Ejector seats for Helicopters (really think about this one J)

* Solar Powered Flash Light
* Glow in the dark sunglasses  

Sun, 24 Apr 2005

Half of all teens that become pregnant have an abortion…HALF!!  It is said that over the last 200 years of war in our country we have lost an estimated 1,316,000 soldiers in battle… In the year 2000 alone we lost 1,508,651 babies because of abortion, that’s 4,000 abortions a day by Americans!!

On average 1.4 million babies are aborted each year… Since the Supreme Court decision in the Roe vs. Wade case (1973) we have lost 42.5 million babies by abortion in the U.S. alone!!

SO WHAT

Five Things you should know before having Abortion

1)       Abortion is the destruction of a living being- Conception happens…5 days after conception: the fertilized ovum attaches itself to the mother, 14 days: its now an embryo, 21 days: the embryo’s heart begins to beat, 1 month: the embryo develops a head and is very visible, 5 weeks: Tiny arms and leg buds form, 6 weeks: two eyes appear on the side of his/her face, 2 months: the brain begins to form and will being to respond to prodding, 10 weeks: embryo is now called a fetus, 3 months: the fetus is 3 inches long and weighs about an ounce- gender can now be determined, 4 months: he/she is 8” long and weighing about half a pounds, 5 months: lugs develop and he/she can now have a chance to live on her own, 6 months: Brain waves can be detected- he/she can now fell pain, 7 months: 16” long and weighing 3 lbs. 8 months: 18” and about 5 lbs. 9 months: 20” long and an average weight of 7 pounds. 90% of all abortions happen in the first trimester (3 months), 8% in the 2^nd trimester, and 2% are in the third trimester

2)       Spiritual Effects- it will produce guilt and long-lasting feelings of regret and self-recrimination. It will harm that person’s relationship with God until the sin is repented and forgiveness is experienced.  Many women will walk away from an abortion feeling like God hates them…God Loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life BUT He does hate sin and you must ask for forgiveness!!

3)       Physical effects- “Medical complications associated with legal abortion may occur at the time of abortion, within 30 days following the procedure, or at some later time.”  (The Institute of Medicine) They also tend to experience many more difficulties in future pregnancies (i.e. 85% higher miscarriage rate on their second child and experienced 83% higher delivery complications).

4)       Emotional effects- often the woman will have preoccupation with the aborted child, have flashbacks of the abortion experience, have feelings of “craziness” after the abortion, and have nightmares related to the abortion. Flashbacks and/or Nightmares: “73% reported flashbacks of the abortion experience” (Josh McDowell’s Handbook on Counseling Youth) “35% had perceived visitations from the aborted child” (Josh McDowell’s Handbook on Counseling Youth) **“Women who abort a first pregnancy are at greater risk of long term clinical depression compared to women who carry an unintended first pregnancy to term. (National Longitudinal Survey of Youth, Dec. 2001)

5)       Societal effects- our society is beginning to show a trend of aborting unwanted, handicapped, inconvenient, and non-productive children so that their own quality of life will not be impaired or interrupted. “Among first-born children, maternal history of abortion was associated with lower emotional support in the home among children ages one to four, and more behavioral problems among five- to nine-year-olds…This held true even after controlling for maternal age, education, family income, the number of children in the home and maternal depression.” (Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry. 2002).  

NOW WHAT

Love people, hate the sin!! Abortion is a sin…

Three things to do, if you’re thinking about or know someone who’s had an Abortion:
1) Talk about it: (Explore all options before you feel you have only one to make)

-          **Who have you told about your pregnancy??

-          What difficulties to you think pregnancy may cause??

-          What difficulties to you think an abortion may cause??

2): Be helpful: (They don’t deserve to be ignored)

-          Show them unconditional love and acceptance

-          Be non-judgmental & Don’t lecture on the abortion issue

-          God can bring good out of the most tragic of situations (Gen 50:20)

-          Don’t be sworn to secrecy...Seek support

3) Get help: (involve someone who cares)

-          **Parents must know, Pastor, School Councilor, etc.

-      Call an unplanned parenthood hotline (Find help raising the baby not killing it)  

Fri, 25 Mar 2005

WHAT

“There are 790,000 attempts of suicide each year in America alone” (American Association or Suicidology).  Suicide is a problem in America…

SO WHAT

Top 10 Questions people have about Suicide

1)      Why do people attempt suicide? People usually attempt suicide to block unbearable emotional pain, which is caused by a wide variety of problems. It is often a cry for help. A person attempting suicide is often so distressed that they are unable to see that they have other options. Most suicidal people give warning signs in the hope that they will be rescued because they are intent on stopping their emotional pain, not on dying.

2)      Aren’t all suicidal people crazy? No, having suicidal thoughts does not imply that you are crazy, or necessarily mentally ill. People who attempt suicide are often acutely distressed and the vast majorities are depressed to some extent. This depression may be either a reactive depression, which is an entirely normal reaction to difficult circumstances, or may be an endogenous depression, which is the result of a diagnosable mental illness with other, underlying causes. It may also be a combination of the two.

3)      So what sort of things can contribute to someone feeling suicidal (can we predict when someone is going to commit suicide)? At the current time there is no definitive measure to predict suicide or suicidal behavior. Researchers have identified factors that place individuals at higher risk for suicide, but very few persons with these risk factors will actually commit suicide.

-          Significant changes (Body image, well being of self, relationships, etc.)

-          Significant losses (Death of a loved one, valued relationship, etc.)

-          Perceived abuse (Physical, Emotional, Sexual, etc.)

4)      How do telephone conseling and suicide hot-line services work? Different services vary in what they offer, but in general you can ring up and speak anonymously to a counselor about any sort of problem in a no-pressure context that's less threatening than a face-to-face session. Talking the situation over with a caring, independent person can be of great assistance whether you're in a crisis yourself, or worried about someone else who is, and they usually have connections with local services to refer you to if further help is required. You don't have to wait until the deepest point of crisis or you have a life-threatening problem before you seek help.

5)      How does suicide affect friends and family members? Suicide is often extremely traumatic for the friends and family members that remain (the survivors), even though people that attempt suicide, often think that no one cares about them. In addition to the feelings of grief normally associated with a person's death, there may be guilt, anger, resentment, remorse, confusion, and great distress over unresolved issues. Bottom line, suicide is extremely selfish!!

6)      How would I know if someone I care about was contemplating suicide? Often suicidal people will give warning signs, consciously or unconsciously, indicating that they need help and often in the hope that they will be rescued. The presence of one or more of these warning signs is not intended as a guarantee that the person is suicidal; the only way to know for sure is to ask them.

-          Withdrawing from friends and family.

-          Depression, broadly speaking, not necessarily a diagnosable mental illness such as clinical depression but indicated by signs such as:

                                                               i.      Loss of interest in usual activities

                                                              ii.      Changes in appetite, behavior, level of activity, or sleep patterns

                                                            iii.      Loss of energy

                                                            iv.      Making negative comments about self

                                                             v.      Recurring suicidal thoughts or fantasies

-          Talking, writing, or hinting about suicide

-          Feelings of hopelessness and helplessness

-          Purposefully putting personal affairs in order:

                                                               i.      Giving away possessions

                                                              ii.      Sudden intense Interest in personal wills or life insurance

                                                            iii.      "Clearing the air" over personal incidents from the past

7)      Does alcohol and other drug abuse increase the risk of suicide? A number of recent national surveys have helped shed light on the relationship between alcohol and other drug use and suicidal behavior. A review of minimum-age drinking laws and suicides among youths age 18 to 20 found that lower minimum-age drinking laws was associated with higher youth suicide rates. In a large study following adults who drink alcohol, suicide ideation was reported among persons with depression. In studies that examine risk factors among people who have completed suicide, substance use and abuse occurs more frequently among youth and adults, compared to older persons. Fortunately, there are a number of effective prevention efforts that reduce risk for substance abuse in youth, and there are effective treatments for alcohol and substance use problems.

8)      Does the Bible mention anything about suicide?  David (Psalm 38:4-6) “My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear. My wounds fester and are loathsome because of my sinful folly. I am bowed down and brought very low; all day long I go about morning.”  Job (Job 33:3, 11) “May the day of my birth perish…Why did I not perish at birth, and die as I came from the womb?”  King Saul (1 Samuel 31:4-6) fell on his own sword rather than allow himself to be taken prisoner by the Philistines.  Judas (Matthew 27) after betraying Jesus, hung himself.

9)      Is suicide an unforgivable sin (If you commit suicide do you go to hell)? Many say this, but scripture does NOT state that. “The unfortunate and sad ending of an individual’s life by his own hand does not nullify the effect of the grace of God in his life. Suicide victims who are the children of God are redeemed souls in the presence of their Heavenly Father.” (Josh McDowell)

Scripture does not endorse suicide; in fact it encourages the sanctity of human life. Suicide is not the Lord’s way of dealing with things. (John 16:33) “…In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

10)  What should I do if someone tells me they’re thinking about or going to commit suicide? You should take their distress seriously, listen without judgment, and help them get to a professional for evaluation and treatment. People consider suicide when they are hopeless and unable to see alternative solutions to problems. If someone is in imminent danger of harming himself or herself, do not leave the person alone. When someone is in a suicidal crisis, it is important to limit access to lethal means of committing suicide.

NOW WHAT

Three things you should do now:
1) Be aware of the warning signs (Are you or someone you love at risk of suicide?)

-          Someone threatening or talking about hurting him or herself??

(Hopelessness, Rage, Recklessness, Anxiety, Dramatic mood changing, etc.)

-          Someone looking for ways to kill him or herself??

(seeking firearms, available pills, rope, or other means)

-          Someone infatuated with talking or writing about death, dying or suicide??

2) Be helpful to someone who is threatening suicide:

-          Be direct. Talk openly and matter-of-factly about suicide.

-          Be willing to listen. Allow expressions of feelings. Accept the feelings.

-          Be non-judgmental. Don’t debate whether suicide is right or wrong, or whether feelings are good or bad. Don’t lecture on the value of life.

-          Get involved. Become available. Show interest and support.

-          Don’t dare him or her to do it.

-          Don’t act shocked. This will put distance between you.

-          Don’t be sworn to secrecy. Seek support.

-          Offer hope that alternatives are available but do not offer glib reassurance.

-          Take action. Remove means, such as guns or stockpiled pills.

3) Get help (involve someone who cares):

-          A parent, youth leader, school counselor, or teacher

-          A suicide prevention or crisis center

-          The authorities (Call 9-1-1)

**Do you know someone who is struggling???

Referrals to places that CAN help:

Grace Community Church                                     918-333-2030                     

Students Against Suicide                                       714-361-9401

AAS Crisis Center Hotline                               800-273-TALK

Kristin Brooks Hope Center                                  800-SUICIDE

Survivors of Suicide                                              414-442-4638

**Local Support Group (Tulsa)                        918-585-1213
Mental Health Association
1870 S. Boulder Tulsa, OK 74119
Group Name: Survivors of Suicide

Contact Person: Kari Woodson

Mon, 14 Mar 2005

Top 10 Lies about Homosexuality:

1)      God Hates Homosexuals- God loves every person in fact He made man in his image.  What God hates is the sin that corrupts people’s hearts, enticing them to rebel against God.  Even if we fall to temptation God offers mercy, forgiveness and healing through Jesus Christ for those who will turn away from their sin.

2)      Intolerance of Homosexuality is exactly like the intolerance of “Blacks”- Homosexuality has and will always be wrong to God were as the intolerance of blacks, “Slavery” was also wrong to God.  Early Southern Americans established slavery not from the Biblical act of servant hood but instead out of racism.  The Bible was never intolerant of the “Black” community so they can’t be compared! 

3)      Homosexuality is an inherited orientation (“I was Born Gay”)- Homosexual desires are examples of the sin nature that ALL people are born with.  Being born more prevalent to be an alcoholic does NOT make you one.  Giving in to the temptation does…  We are all born with temptation yet it is still our responsibility to resist our sinful desires!!  “Claiming people are born gay is attempting to justify sin.  Using that rationale, people such as liars, hypocrites, thieves, child molesters and cannibals could also claim they "were born that way.”

4)      Jesus didn’t say anything about homosexuality, so it proves that its ok- Jesus upheld God’s original plan for human sexuality, between a man and a woman.  (Mark 10:6-9)  If Jesus had regarded homosexual activity as acceptable, he would have mentioned it at that point, since it would have been a radical departure from the traditional teaching.

5)      The Bible has No examples of people who were healed of homosexuality- In, 1 Corinthians 6:9-11, Paul mentioned that the Corinthian church had people who were formerly homosexuals.  Paul wrote that they were washed, sanctified, and justified by God…ie. Healed or forgiven of their sin!!

6)      I can have peace with God without giving up gay sex acts- When we accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior; we are forgiven of our sins.  At that point, God calls us to change our lifestyles to follow Him the best we can.  Every lifestyle that embraces sin must be surrendered to God, and this includes homosexuality. If we continue to live in sin and "practice" it after receiving Jesus, we are rejecting the sacrifice he made for us on the cross. Which means when you ask for God’s forgiveness yet you do not change your sinful lifestyle you have NOT received the free gift of the Holy Spirit!!

7)      Homosexuality was rare in Bible times plus the authors didn’t understand it- Homosexuality was practiced throughout Bible history.  God clearly warned the Israelites against the homosexual activities characteristic of the people living in Canaan (Leviticus 18:3,22- 30, Leviticus 20:13,23-24).  Groups of homosexuals roamed the streets of cities of Sodom (Genesis 19:4-13) and Gibeah (Judges 19-20), looking for men to rape.  The Apostle Paul mentioned homosexuality in his letter to the Romans, Timohty and the Corinthian church (Romanns 1:18-32, 1 Timothy 1:8-11, and 1 Corinthians 6:9-11)

8)      Homosexuality is worse than any other sin- Though there is no specific verse that reads, “all sin is equal”, we understand theologically that sin is sin in Gods eyes.  We can get some of this understanding by realizing that Homosexuality is ALWAYS sandwiched between other sins in the New Testament. (1 Timothy 1:8-11, Romans 1:24-28, & 1 Corinthians 6:9-10)

9)      Homosexuality was wrong under Old Testament law…Not New Testament- After you read the verses mentioned above this lie becomes apparent… Homosexuality is a sin!!

10)  Homosexuals should Not be allowed in church- The church was started by the early apostles to teach God’s word to the unsaved or sinners.  That purpose and vision is the same, Or Should Be, today in the church.  The church is not only made up of the Body of Christ but also sinners who have come to hear the good news and feel accepted!!

Three things Christians should understand:

1)      Love is exactly what Jesus would do (Not jokes, names, etc.)… We are better at rejecting than we are at accepting!  It’s easier to call people names than it is to encourage them in some way.  It’s easier to go with the flow, to be ignorant, or to judge others… But none of that is what Christ does for you!!  God’s love is for everyone… (John 3:16)               ***NAME CALLING MUST STOP***
2)      Acceptance is NOT tolerance… Understand that if God loves everyone but He hates sin, then there is a difference between Acceptance of a person and Tolerance of the sin.  Love them don’t Judge them to the truth!!  Ask yourself 2 questions:

a.      Why are they doing ‘x’??

b.      What’s the most important thing here?? (Behavior or Heart)

3)      Homosexuality starts as temptation just like all other sin… Think about a sin you are struggling with now and how hard it is to break free and understand that the same struggle may be going on inside them too.  Remember we All have sin in our life don’t point the finger at others, when your act isn’t together!! (Matthew 7:1-5)

For those struggling:

Seven Essential Steps to Break Free from Homosexuality:

1)      See it for what it is…Satan- Call sin a sin, Satan is called “the angel of light” his job is to make sin look good or convince you its okay!!  GOD LOVES YOU BUT HE DOES HATE THE SIN!!! (1 Peter 5:8)

2)      Confess the Sin Biblically- a) Agree with God, all homosexual acts are sin. b) Take it to Jesus, ask and accept His forgiveness. c) Turn and repent, change your lifestyle to fit your newly desired outcome!! (1 John 1:9)

3)      Enact the Power of the Will- Be a man, set a goal, and stick with it…“Your will is the strongest muscle in your body”!! (2 Timothy 2:22)

4)      Fill your Mind with Scripture- Jesus is our greatest example…when being tempted by Satan, Christ responded three times with scripture.  This should be our ultimate goal, to respond to temptation with scripture!! (Psalm 1:1-2)

5)      Set HUGE Standards- A strong relationship with God is Gold, Intimacy and Peace with God is Gold…Don’t settle for a bronze by choosing roadblocks between you and God.  Re-evaluate your thoughts and actions!! (Matthew 5:48)

6)      Develop Accountability- Sit down with family and friends that love you and will ask you the tough questions each week…“Are you being pure in your walk right now”, “have you giving in to temptation this week”, etc.  Join a small group that practices Biblical Accountability!! (James 5:16)

7)      Guard your Heart- Get your eyes, hears, and fingertips trained…teach your mind to meditate on scripture instead of temptation, and keep everything from your heart!! (Proverbs 4:23)

Resources:

The Bible Any translation will do… Just get started!!

A strong Delusion: Confronting the “Gay Christian” Movement  By: Joe Dallas

When Passions are confused: Understanding Homosexuality by: Jeff Olson

http://www.narth.org

www.leaderu.com

http://www.exodusglobalalliance.org/mythsabouthomosexualityp32.php

http://www.family.org/cforum/fosi/homosexuality/maf/a0028248.cfm

http://fbg-church.org/articles/hsmyths.htm

Referrals to places that CAN help:

Grace Community Church                                     918-333-2030

Minirth Meire New Life Clinics:                                     800-NEW-LIFE 

Exodus International:                                                     415-454-1017

Harvest USA                                                                215-342-7114

Homosexuals Anonymous Fellowship Services:             215-376-1146


Wed, 02 Mar 2005

Top 10 Pitfalls of Pornography:

1)      Photographic Etching- Psychologists tell us that pornography releases a hormone called epinephrine, which etches the pornographic picture permanently into your mind. 

2)      Virtual Cocaine- It’s instantly addictive… Pornography causes a release of dopamine in your mind; a virtual high – a stimulus – an elevated pulse. 

3)      Ladies become Sex Objects- Pornography degrades women by making the human body something to lust after.  It makes girls sport, toys, property, and even animals. 

4)      Users become ‘Bi-Polar’- Every man has three lives… a) his public life (that everybody knows), b) his private life (that only those close to him know), and c) his personal life (that only he knows). 

5)      Diminishment of Sexual Fulfillment- The porn user needs bigger prizes, more graphic, and more explicit. 

6)      Counterfeit Intimacy- Your heart and mind will be filled with synthetic and temporary intimacy. 

7)      False Wedding Vows- You will bring all of your pornographic pictures to your wedding day and onto your honeymoon. 

8)      Higher forms of degradation- Early exposure = Addiction, Addiction = Escalation (more graphic and more explicit), Escalation = Desensitization, Desensitization = Acting Out.  “People always say, it will never happen to me”

9)      Continual Adultery- The porn user is in prison to adultery for the rest of his life. 

10)  Roadblocks from God’s Richest Blessings- Sin does and will inhibit God’s blessings in your life. 

** Not to mention becoming broke, contributing to the entire Porn industry and their values, becoming very selfish, and masturbation!!

Mon, 13 Dec 2004
Top 10 Ten signs you're in a bad small group:

10) Your leader was featured on "America's Most Wanted."

9) Your group votes to study "Volume 3 of the Encyclopedia Britannica."

8) They insist on meeting at 4am, daily!!

7) The favorite game is: "If you were to commit a felony, which one would it be?"

6) Every week someone askes you "Is this your first time to come?"

5) Your leader insists that everyone wear a black robe and chat.

4) You are asked to sign the small group covenant with your own blood.

3) The ice-breaker is "what do you hate about the people in the room right now."

2) Your leader is Jeff (Wait, how did that get in there?).

1) You still haven't found the right house!!

If you haven't found a small group or you were wondering what one is OR your group happens to fit into on of these top 10 then check out this site and find out how you can get connected!!! www.nikaoyouth.com (go to programs #2)

Mon, 22 Nov 2004

Top 10 things it took me 25 years to figure out!!

10) Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

9) If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved its full potential, that word would be "Meetings."

8) There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

7) And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

6) No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

5) When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

4) Never lick a steak knife.

3) Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.

2) A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

1) You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and
compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

Wed, 17 Nov 2004

Top 10 things to do at Wal-Mart:

(DISCLAIMER: If you get into trouble I didn’t tell you these J)

10) Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
9) Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "Code 3" in house wares…and see what happens.
8) Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while and then yell loudly "There is no toilet paper in here!"

7) When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?
6) Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
5) 'Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
4) When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
3) Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."
2) Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
1) While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

Mon, 08 Nov 2004
Yeah, I'm giving you a SUPER list today...
Top 50 things to do if you have time on your hands

1.      Wax the ceiling.

2.      Drop a cat from a high place, to see if it really does land on all fours.

3.      Repeat above until failure.

4.      Clean and polish your belly button.

5.      Wash a tree.

6.      Flirt with an evergreen.

7.      Give your little brother a mohawk.

8.      Mow your carpet.

9.      Rake your carpet (to clean up the clippings.)

10.  Listen to a painting.

11.  Buff your dog.

12.  Raise professional racing ferrets.

13.  Paint your home...day-glo orange. 

14.  Paint your windows.

15.  Smile.

16.  Give a Rorschach (Ink-blot) Test to your gerbil.

17.  Turn your TV picture tube upside down.

18.  Take your sofa for a walk. 

19.  Put lighted EXIT signs on all your closets.

20.  Form a political party.

21.  Climb a sidewalk.

22.  Annoy yourself.

23.  Shave a shrub.

24.  Have a proton fight.

25.  Watch a car rust. 

26.  Be in the wrong place at the right time.

27.  Factor your social security number.

28.  Hot wax the bottoms of your sister's dress shoes.

29.  Take a picture.

30.  Put it back.

31.  Sand a mushroom.

32.  Find the heat capacity of your chemistry professor.

33.  Count to a million...fast.

34.  Run around in squares.

35.  Converse...with a flatworm.

36.  Drive the speed limit...in your garage.

37.  Sing the National Anthem...during your calculus final.

38.  Give your goldfish a perm. 

39.  Apply for a Unicorn Hunting License. 

40.  Put legwarmers on all your furniture. 

41.  Give a lecture tour on the historical significance of cream cheese.

42.  Debate politics with a fern.

43.  If you lose stop watering it.  

44.  Interview a cloud.  

45.  Play cards with your swimming pool. 

46.  Change your name...daily.   

47.  Catch a falling star.

48.  Throw it back. 

49.  Make a list of things to do when bored.

50. Renumber the list you just read

Fri, 05 Nov 2004

Since most of you didn’t like last weeks post I thought I would pick on all of you who ignored my site all week!!

Top 10 signs you’ve been spending too much time online

10) You wake up at 3am to go the bathroom but stop to check your e-mail FIRST

9) You get a tattoo that says, “best viewed with Internet Explorer 5.0”

8) Your kids’ names are: Xanga, Google, and Dotcom

7) You start using smileys in homework

6) You turn off your modem and you feel empty inside

5) When you go downstairs for dinner and your family thought you had died

4) You laugh at all who still dial up to get online

3) You start twitching after 2 hours at school without making it to the computer lab

2) You tell your teacher “BRB” and then leave

1) You rationalize living at home another few years for the free Internet access

Wed, 27 Oct 2004

Top 10 bad things to see on your school repost card (in the commit area):

10. "Works well when under constant supervision."
9. "Since their last report, this student has reached rock bottom and started to dig."
8. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there."
7. "Not the brightest crayon in the box."
6. "I know now why some parents, in the wild, eat their young."
5. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
4. "This student should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better."
3. "This student is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
2. "His friends would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."
1. "I would not allow this student to breed...EVER"

In using these... Please make sure they are friends :)  I'm kidding... Don't use these at all, i was just trying to be funny!  We should all try harder to encourage one another (Maybe that will be the next post)... Until then!!


Tue, 19 Oct 2004

Top 10 reasons why men should be proud of ourselves:

10) We don’t have to learn to spell a new last name…ever

9) We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness

8) If someone forgets to invite us to something they can still be our friend

7) Underwear is only $10 for a pack of three

6) Your pals will never trap you with: “So, do you notice anything different?”

5) We are not expected to know the names of more than 5 colors

4) We are totally unable to see wrinkles in our clothes

3) One wallet, one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons

2) Although we can read maps with precision, we don’t need them

1) We can open all our own jars 


Thu, 14 Oct 2004
though not many have commented, i will still press on to make you laugh... So here it is, part II to tuesdays things to do in an elevator!!

ALL NEW Top 10 things to go in an elevator

10) Lean against the button panel.
9) Crack open your suitcase or bag, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
8) When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
7) Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
6) When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"
5) Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
4) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
3) Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
2) Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
1) Draw a little square on the floor and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

Tue, 12 Oct 2004

As many of you know I was at a conference this weekend… The conference was for youth workers like myself (over 5,000) and to say the least, there were practical jokes played, especially in the elevator (since the convention was in a huge hotel)… So in keeping with the fun, I’ve put together some of my favorite practical jokes to do on a elevator!!

Top 10 things to do in an elevator

10) Make racecar noises when anyone gets on or off.
9) Bring a chair along.
8) Meow occasionally.
7) Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
6) Say "Ding!" at each floor.
5) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
4) Ask passengers getting on if you can push the button for them.
3) Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other people "through" it.

2) Offer nametags to everyone getting on the elevator. 
1) Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, don't get off.

Come back tomorrow i've got more... :)

Tue, 05 Oct 2004
Alright fellas... I'm pretty excited about this one, are you ready for it?  You're not ready... This is for all my small group guys who get up at 6:30am to study the word of God!! :)

Top 10 things to say when caught taking a nap at school

10) Sorry, practicing for next hour

9) This is just a 15-minute power nap like what they raved about in our health book

8) Right...like you never did it

7) Mom, must have made decaf this morning

6) Whew! I must have left the top off my highlighter

5) Amen!!

4) This is my exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about school

3) I wasn’t sleeping…I was just getting my contact lens out, without my hands

2) They told me when I gave blood in the nursery’s office this might happen

1) What?? God rested too, you know!!

Well, tune in next week (tomorrow)... Same bat time, same bat channel!!

Thu, 30 Sep 2004
This top ten list is for my special friend Olivia...who made this request many moons ago and i am just now getting to it!!
Top 10 Things ONLY Women Can Understand

10) Why it’s good to have five pairs of black shoes

9) The difference between cream, ivory, and off-white

8) Crying can be fun

7) Fat clothes

6) A salad, diet drink, and a hot fudge sundae make a balanced lunch

5) Finding a designer dress on the clearance rack is a peak life experience

4) The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made

3) A good man might be hard to find, but a good hairdresser is next to impossible

2) Why a phone call between two women never lasts under ten minutes

1) Other women

So was it all you expected?? If so...come back!  If not...come back!!

See you next time y'all!!

Mon, 27 Sep 2004

Top 10 Church Marquee Signs

10) Under same management for over 2000 years!

9) Worry is interest paid on trouble before it is due.

8) It's hard to stumble when you're down on your knees.

7) A clear conscience makes a soft pillow.

6) The wages of sin is death. Repent before payday.

5) Life has many choices.  Eternity has two.  What's yours?

4) Never give the devil a ride. He will always want to drive.

3) Christians, keep the faith...but not from others!

2) Tithe if you love Jesus!  Anyone can honk!

1) Try Jesus.  If you don't like Him, the devil will always take you back.

 

 

Wed, 22 Sep 2004

Top 10 things to do at the mall

10. At the bottom of an escalator, scream "MY SHOELACES! AAAGH!" (this doesn’t apply in B-ville…Sorry!)
9. At the stylist, demand to have the hair on the floor put back on your head.
8. Ask a salesperson whether a particular shade of underwear matches the color of your chest hair.

7. Sneak up on saleswomen at the perfume counter and spray them with your own bottle of perfume.
6. Collect stacks of paint brochures and hand them out as reading material material.
5. At the pet store, ask if they have bulk discounts on gerbils, and whether there's much meat on them.
4. Hand a stack of pants back to the changing room attendant and scornfully announce that all of them have been missed label on the sizes, because they’re too tight.
3. Go to electronics and ask if they have any TVs that play only in Spanish.
2. Try pants on backwards. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big.
1. Go store to store showing people your driver's license and demand to know "whether they've seen this man."

Mon, 06 Sep 2004
Realizing most of you are out and about looking for a job, i thought i would help you in your effort by giving you tips on things to do in your interview...

Top 10 things to do in a job interview:

10) Challenge the interviewer to arm wrestling match.

9) Bring a walkman and explain that you can listen to them and the music at the same time.

8) During the interview ask if you can have a snack break (don't offer them any).

7) Tell them to hire you because you have "friends" in high places (and then nudge them with your elbow and give them a wink).

6) Bring a pillow and take a nap.

5) Insure the interviewer that if you are hired, you will demonstrate your loyalty by having their logo tattooed on your arm.

4) When they ask you to have a seat, refuse and tell them your not a dog.

3) Interrupt the interviewer by phoning a friend for advice on how to answer one of their questions.

2) Explain that your long-term goal is to replace them (the interviewer).

1) Tell them you never finished high school because you were kidnapped and kept in a closet in Mexico.

Alright, that was my first one in a while... What do you think?


Sat, 14 Aug 2004
Top 10 talk series options for this year:

10) How to be a wise guy

9)   Old school studs (Heros of our faith)

8)   Impossibilities of God

7)   The Marathon

6)   How to be as cool as Jeff

5)   The Lord's 'Jym' (The Book of James)

4)   Jesus' greatest hits

3)   The Warrior Within

2)   The Heart of a Champion

1)   How to raise your parents in a changing society

What do you think, which topic sounds the best? Your opinion does matter...or at least i'll let you think that :)


Tue, 10 Aug 2004

Top 10 stories to show you how dumb people are (hopefully these stories aren't about any of you, but i'll cross my fingers :)):

 

10) Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

9) I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider," looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today." She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.
8) A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."
7) I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."
6) Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.
5) I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "Cruise Control" and then went in the back to make a tuna sandwich.
4) My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"
3) Police in Radnor, Pa, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
2) A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants, the dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and should be fine, the mother says, I just gave him some ant killer...Dispatcher: Rush him in to Emergency!

1) I’ll leave you in suspense!!

Tue, 20 Jul 2004
Top 10 questios to think about as a follower of Christ:

10) Who's watching me?

9)   Do i  love others unconditionally like God does me?

8)   Have i spent daily time in the word and in prayer (not as a checklist but because i love spending time with my savior and messiah)?

7)   Are the people i call friends pushing me to a closer relationship with Jesus?

6)   Am i willing to die to myself daily for Christ's sake?

5)   Am i fearful of God's wrath?

4)   Can people see LOVE through my actions and attitudes toward others?

3)   Have i shared my passion for Jesus with anyone today?

2)   How can i worship Jesus better today?

1)   Do i love God "with all my heart, all my spirit, and all my mind?"

I hope this is a good reminder of the importance your life plays in others and to God...


Tue, 29 Jun 2004
Top 10 reasons you should read this top 10 list:

10) Because you should...

9)   It's the "Cool thing to do"...

8)   Because everybody whos anybody is doing it...

7)   It's not only cool it is also satisfying...

6)   Becuase it's free...

5)   It will help you lose weight...

4)   To help you grow bigger and stronger...

3)   To make you run faster...

2)   To conform you to be more like us... 

1)   Because if you are on Xanga you have nothing better to do :)

Hey, if no one is going to check us out anymore we aren't going to waste time writing!!


Thu, 24 Jun 2004
Top 10 questions Tinkle and I came up with:

10) What's your name?

9)   On a scale of slow to fast, how cool are you?

8)   How many tatoos does Tinkle have?

7)   What's your favorite smell?

6)   On a scale of 1- 10 how hot is Kuk (Jeff's dog)?

5)   If you had to pick one coffee mug to drink everything out of the rest of your life, what would it say on the outside?

4)   In your opinion, who deserves the MVP of the 2004 pieball season award?

3)   What state in your mind has the coolest shape?

2)   If you could have one uncommon superpower what would it be and why?

1)   If you could have one trait from Tinkle or myself what would it be and why?

I think we are pretty much up and running once again... so tune in tomorrow, same bat time same bat channel!!

Mon, 14 Jun 2004 

1...God won't ask what kind of car you drove, He'll ask how many people you
drove who didn't have transportation.
2...God won't ask the square footage of your house, He'll ask how many
people you welcomed into your home.
3...God won't ask about the clothes you had in your closet, He'll ask how
many you helped to clothe.
4...God won't ask what your highest salary was, He'll ask if you compromised
your character to obtain it.
5...God won't ask what your job title was, He'll ask if you performed your
job to the best of our ability.
6...God won't ask how many friends you had, He'll ask how many people to
whom you were a friend.
7...God won't ask in what neighborhood you lived, He'll ask how you treated
your neighbors.
8...God won't ask about the color of your skin, He'll ask about the content
of your character.
9...God won't ask why it took you so long to seek Salvation, He'll lovingly
take you to your mansion in heaven, and not to the gates of Hell.
10...God won't ask how many people you forwarded this to, He'll ask if you
were ashamed to pass it on to your friends.

Mon, 26 Apr 2004 

Top 10 one liner jokes:

10) Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?

He's all right now.
9)   How do you get holy water?

Boil the hell out of it.
8)   How does a spoiled rich girl change a lightbulb?

She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment."
7)   What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?

"Dam".
6)   Why do gorillas have big nostrils?

Because they have big fingers.
5)   What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?

A pool table.
4)   What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

The taste.
3)   What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
  A stick.
2)   Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
 They all have phones.
1)   Where do you find a no legged dog?
 Right where you left him.

 

 

Thu, 22 Apr 2004

Top 10 Books on Leadership:

1)      The Holy Bible (God)

2)      The Go-Getter (Kyne)

3)      21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership (Maxwell)

4)      Sold Out (McCartney)

5)      The Next Generation Leader (Stanley)

6)      Spiritual Leadership (Chambers)

7)      Does Pride Still Matter (Lombardi)

8)      Fuel and Flame (Shadrach)

9)      Spiritual Leadership (Blackaby)

10) If You Want to Walk on Water, You Have To Get Out of the Boat (Ortberg)

Wed, 21 Apr 2004
New Top 10 Christian Pick-up Lines:

10) Has anyone ever told you, your eyes are like doves and your neck like the tower of David…

9)   How about a hug, sister…

8)   Hey baby, you wanna take the church van for a spin…

7)   No, I’m not coveting, I intend to make you mine…

6)   I practice our mission to "love one another" to the fullest extent…

5)   Do you need help carrying your Bible? It looks heavy…

4)   What are your plans for tonight? Feel like a Bible study…

3)   I don't speak in tongues, but I kiss that way…

2)   I'm pretty flexible. I don't think a woman should be submissive on the first date…

1)   Do you know the difference between making out and a sermon? ... No? Wanna go to church with me…

Tue, 20 Apr 2004
Top 10 Vince Lambardi Quotes:

10) "Mental toughness is essential to success."

9) "If you'll not settle for anything less than your best, you will be amazed at what you can accomplish in your lives.

8) "The quality of a person's life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavor."

7) "They may not love you at the time, but they will later."

6) "Having the capacity to lead is not enough. The leader must be willing to use it."

5) "The harder you work, the harder it is to surrender."

4) "Leadership is based on a spiritual quality; the power to inspire, the power to inspire others to follow."

3) "The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather in a lack of will."

2) "Once you learn to quit, it becomes a habit."

1) "I firmly believe that any man's finest hour, the greatest fulfillment of all that he holds dear, is the moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle-victorious."

 

Bonus:

*) "The good Lord gave you a body that can stand most anything. It's your mind you have to convince."

*) "Individual commitment to a group effort-that is what makes a team work, a company work, a society work, a civilization work."

*) "Winning is not everything--but making effort to win is."

*) "Winning is not a sometime thing: it's an all the time thing. You don't win once in a while; you don't do the right thing once in a while; you do them right all the time. Winning is a habit. Unfortunately, so is losing."

Mon, 19 Apr 2004
Top 10 bumper stickers:

10) “If I were two-faced would I be wearing this one”

9)   “If the shoe fits, buy it in every color.”

8)   “If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.”

7)   “I know God won’t give me anything I can’t handle, I just wish he didn’t trust me so much.”

6)   “The Lord didn't do it all in one day. What makes you think you can?”

5)   “Dream as if you’ll live forever.  Live as if you’ll die today.”

4)   “Plan ahead, it wasn’t raining when Noah built the ark.”

3)   “Exercise daily…walk with the Lord.”

2)   “WARNING: Exposure to the Son may prevent burning.”

1)   “’Pray’ it’s a four letter word you can say anywhere, except in public schools”

Fri, 16 Apr 2004
Top 10 things I would be if I weren’t a youth guy:

10) A Fireman/Policeman…

9)   A Millionaire…

8)   A Video Game Tester…

7)   A Professional Poker Player…

6)   A House Dad…

5)   A Professional Monopoly Player…

4)   Taylor Thompson’s Body Guard…

3)   A Professional Football Player…

2)   A Football Coach…

1)   A Motivational Speaker…

Thu, 15 Apr 2004
Because of much anticipation and request…
Top 10 reasons you would miss small group bible study:

10) You felt it was to early and you need your beauty sleep…

9)   You didn’t feel like it because power rangers was on…

8)   You were sick (as in blowing chunks)…

7)   You couldn’t find the house all the rest of us were parked in front of…

6)   You don’t like the Bible…

5)   You didn’t set your clock ahead at daylight savings time…

4)   You flip out when people talk about Jesus around you…

3)   You have the name Thomas Reese…

2)   You didn’t want to wear your black robe and drink the ceremonial blood…

1)   You know all the answers to deep Biblical and Theological questions…

 

If you have any requests for a top 10 list or an idea…Fill free to e-mail them to me at surgeberg@yahoo.com 


Wed, 14 Apr 2004
Top 10 books your children might not enjoy reading :

10) Run, Kids, Run!

                - Keith and Becky Discover Uncle Pete's Hornet Farm
9)   Who Will Help Me Fry The Chicken?

                - The Colonel teaches Henny Penny A Lesson About Whining
8)   A Child's Illustrated Treasury of Rodeo Accidents
7)   Nippy the Infectious Chihuahua
6)   A Critique of Kantian Metaphysics and Ontological Presuppositions

               - for Kids!
5)   The Day Barney Caught on Fire
4)   The Adventures of Milo, the Obnoxious Intestinal Parasite
3)   Babaar the Elephant Gets Gunned Down on Safari
2)   The Big Red Fire Engine Meets the Little Engine That Could

                - In a Fiery Head-on Collision
1)   Otis the Hungry Rottweiler Meets, the Magically Delicious Leprechaun

Tue, 13 Apr 2004
 Top 10 reasons its good to be a guy:

10) Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat…
9)   A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase…
8)   Your bathroom lines are 80 percent shorter…
7)   You can open all your own jars...

6)   Old friends could care less whether you've lost or gained weight…  

5)   Your last name stays put…                          

4)   You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes...

3)   You can wear the same outfit two days in a row…   

2)   You can leave the bed unmade…    

1)   You can go to the bathroom without a support group…

Mon, 12 Apr 2004

Top 10 Christian pick-up lines:

10) Do you have an accountability partner, want to be mine…

9)   So you know Jesus, Me too…

8)   I'd pick you over Satan any day…

7)   How do you feel about "it is more blessed to give than to receive"…

6)   Can we go somewhere private and pray…

5)   So NIV, is that your name…

4)   Excuse me, is this pew taken…

3)   Nice Bible…

2)   Hi, my name is will...God's will…

1)   Excuse me, I think you may have one of my ribs…

 

* I didn't know angels flew this low.

* That halo matches perfect with your eyes.

Sun, 11 Apr 2004
Top 10 things to do on Easter Sunday:

10) Nothing...

9)   Eat tons of food...

8)   Go to church...

7)   Drive around (Gas is exspensive though)...

6)   Take a nap...
5)   Eat leftovers...

4)   Have a Easter Egg Hunt...

3)   Watch the Football Game (I know they aren't on, but they should be)...

2)   See friends and family...

1)   Pray and say thanks for God's awesome plan of slavation through His Son, Jesus...

Well, tomorrow's is way funny so tune in... Monday April 12th for the next installment!!



Thu, 08 Apr 2004

Top 10 God is like:

10) Bayer Aspirin – He works miracles…

9)   Allstate – You’re in good hands with Him…

8)   Scotch Tape – You can’t see him, but you know He’s there…

7)   Hallmark Cards – He cares enough to send His very best…

6)   Tide – He gets the stains out that others leave behind…

5)   General Eletric – He brings good things to life…

4)   Sears – He has everything…

3)   Dial Soap – Glad you have Him, don’t you wish everybody did…

2)   Coke – He’s the real thing…

1)   Delta – He’s ready when you are…

Wed, 07 Apr 2004 

Nikao tonight!! It's combined and its at 6:30pm... There will be pizza, drinks, and cash prizes, so bring your friends, your Bibles, and get ready for the NIKAO!!!

Top 10 reasons you DON'T want to come to Nikao:

10) You have to wash your hair...

9)   You will run out of gas...

8)   Jeff is a dork...

7)   The pizza isn't good when hot...

6)   You don't like looking for eggs...

5)   None of your friends go...just a hundred random people you don't know...

4)   Jeff is a nerd...

3)   You always get lost when looking for the Nikao Building...

2)   You don't like winning money...

1)   Because I am afraid of how cool Jeff really is... 

See you all next time on... Berg's Amazing Top 10 lists!!!


Tue, 06 Apr 2004

New Top 10 Great methods of annoying your roommate:

1. Hide a bunch of potato chips and Ho Hos in the bottom of a trash can. When you get hungry, root around in the trash. Find the food, and eat it. If your roommate empties the trash before you get hungry, demand that they reimburse you.

2. Leave a declaration of war on your roommate's desk. Include a list of grievances.

3. Hide your underwear and socks in your roommate's closet. Accuse them of stealing it.

4. Whenever your roommate walks in, wait one minute and then stand up. Announce that you are going to take a shower. Do so. Keep this up for three weeks.

5. Array thirteen toothbrushes of different colors on your dresser. Refuse to discuss them.

6. Shave one eyebrow.

7. Put your mattress underneath your bed. Sleep down under there and pile your dirty clothes on the empty bedframe. If your roommate comments, mutter "Gotta save space," twenty times while twitching violently.

8. Shelve all your books with the spines facing the wall. Complain loudly that you can never find the book that you want.

9. Always flush the toilet three times.

10. Listen to radio static.

Mon, 05 Apr 2004
Top 10 Great methods of annoying your roommate:

1. Switch the sheets on your beds while your roommate is in class.
2. Steal a fish tank. Fill it with 7up and dump sardines in it. O’yeah & talk to them.
3. Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out of your seat. When s/he turns to look, fall back down and grin.
4. Move your roommate's personal effects around. Start subtlety. Gradually work up to big things, and eventually glue everything s/he owns to the ceiling.
5. Walk and talk backwards.
6. Spend all your money on Jolt Cola. Drink it all. Stack the cans in the middle of your room. Number them.
7. Get a computer. Leave it on when you are not using it. Turn it off when you are.
8. Fake a heart attack. When your roommate gets the paramedics to come, pretend nothing happened.
9. Smoke ballpoint pens.
10. Smile. All the time.

Fri, 02 Apr 2004
Top 10 things I’m going to do this weekend:

10) Nothing…

9)   Plan our All Leader’s meeting for Sunday…

8)   Watch a movie…

7)   Read a book (Purpose Driven Church)…

6)   Drink some Dr. Pepper in Crushed Ice…

5)   Sleep…

4)   Plan Diggin’ Deeper for Sunday…

3)   Play football golf…

2)   Not post (not ‘til Monday)…

1)   Have people over (this is you, Saturday)…

Come back and see us, Ya Here!!

 

Thu, 01 Apr 2004
Top 10 reasons I did NOT get a post put up yesterday:

10) I forgot...

9)   My dog ate it...

8)   I had a hot date...

7)   You must have checked the wrong site...it was there!!

6)   I was out sharing the gospel with non-believers...

5)   I was hit by a car and taken to the ER...

4)   I was washing my hair...

3)   I was upducted by space aliens...

2)   I did put one up...You mean, you didn't see it??

1)   Because, I have a life... 

So with all of that said... I appologize and won't let it happen again (I hope)!


Tue, 30 Mar 2004
Top 10 best quotes ever:

1) DDW- “Don’t Die Wonderin’”

2) “Radical Obedience is the result of caring more than others thinks is wise, risking more than others thinks is safe, dreaming more than others think is practical, and expecting more than others think is possible”

3) POWER- “is the ability to walk away from something you desire in order to protect something you love.”

4) “Good things come to those who wait, but only what’s left from those who hustle!”

5) “Some people dream of success…while others wake-up and get it done!”

6) Mark Twain: "Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they don't understand, but for me I have always noticed that the passages that bother me are those I do understand."

7) "People will forget what u said... People will forget what u did.... But people will never forget how u made them feel..."

8) “Knowing what you stand for limits what you will fall for”

9) "Always remember, amateurs build the Ark, but professionals built the Titanic"

10) “To the world you could be just one person, but to one person you could be the world!”

 

These last TWO are Bonus:

*) “Every morning in Africa the lion wakes up and knows it must be faster than the slowest gazelle or it won’t eat… Every morning in Africa the gazelle wakes up and knows it must be faster than the fastest lion or it will be eaten… Moral- whether you’re the lion or the gazelle you have to wake up every morning running faster than everyone else!” 

*) “Pain is temporary Pride is forever! Plus: Chicks dig scares!”

Tune in next time: same bat time, same bat channel (dununununununununun...Batman)...

 

Mon, 29 Mar 2004
I have 2 posts for you today!! The first is a contraction to the top 10 funniest movies... There were TWO very important comedy's to our time left off the list... The new list is as follows:

1)  The Jerk

2)  Monty Python and the Holy Grail

3) Three Amigos

4)  Fletch

5)  CaddyShack

6)  Christmas Vaction

7)  Animal House

8)  Dumb and Dumber

9)  Airplane

10)  Planes, Trians, and Automobles    

Office Space, though very funny, cannot and should not be found on the top 10 funniest movies.  In fact it would probably fall well behind the top 25 (Examples: SpaceBalls, Spies Like Us, Nothing to Loose, White Men Can't Jump, Vacation, Happy Gilmore, Tommy Boy, etc.).  Top 10s are not an easy thing, this is why we must all leave it to the professionals (ME)!!

Now on to the 2nd post of the day... The answers to Friday's post (if you have not read Friday's post I encourage you to do so now, before reading on):

1)   Conception
2)   No theme song
3)   Their birthplace
4)   One thousand

5)   All invented by women

6)   Honey

7)   Father's Day

8)   He was allergic to carrots

9)   Snoop in your medicine cabinet

10) Everyperson (E-mail me if you would like to know more!)

Well, that concludes our broadcast day... Make sure to tune in Tomorrow for Tuesday's Top 10!!

Fri, 26 Mar 2004
Top 10 Questions you probably DON'T know the answers to:

1) What occurs more often in December than any other month?
2) What separates "60 Minutes," on CBS from every other TV show?
3) Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what? 4) If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to count
           until you found the letter "A"?
5) What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser
           printers all have in common?

6) What is the only food that doesn't spoil? 

7) There are more collect calls on this day than any other day of the year?
8) What trivial fact about Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny) is the most ironic?
9) What is an activity performed by 40% of all people at a party?

10) Who killed Jesus?

If you are intrigued by these questions and you want to know the answers or you just want to see how many yo got right... Come back and see us, Monday, March 29th, 2004!!


Thu, 25 Mar 2004
Top 10 Funniest movies, you have to see (Parental Discretion is Advised):     

1)  The Jerk

2)  Three Amigos

3)  Fletch

4)  CaddyShack

5)  Christmas Vaction

6)  Animal House

7)  Dumb and Dumber

8)  Planes, Trians, and Automobles

9)  Spies Like Us

10) Stripes

* This list could go on forever and making a top 10 isn't always easy in the world of comedy (But thanks to Steve Martin, Chevy Chase, Bill Murray, John Candy, John Belushi, etc we have great comdey)... Cheese Burger, Cheese Burger, Chip, Chip...


Wed, 24 Mar 2004

TONIGHT is NIKAO!!

6th -8th Grades 6:30pm

9th - 12th Grades 8:00pm

1500 SE Kings Dr. (Just east of the Village Apartments)

Hope to see you all there... If you are not coming to Nikao this evening, I hope you check out "Everyday Sunday" @ the First Wesleyen Church in B-ville... Have a great day and stay tuned tomorrow for the new top 10 list!!

Tue, 23 Mar 2004

Top 10 movies, ALL should watch:

1)   The Passion of the Christ

2)   Braveheart (Yes, Wallace was dethroned by the Savior)

3)   Gladiator

4)   The Patriot

5)   Ben-Hur

6)   Last of the Mohicans

7)   Glory

8)   Rocky IV

9)   We were Soldiers

10) Spartacus