The Triple Filter Test

In ancient Greece, Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in high esteem...  

One day an acquaintance met the great philosopher and said, “Do you know what I just heard about your friend?”

“Hold on a minute,” Socrates replied.  “Before telling me anything I’d like you to pass a little test.  It’s called the Triple Filter Test.”

“Triple filter?”

“That’s right,” Socrates continued.  “Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you’re going to say.  That’s why I call it the triple filter test.  The first filter is Truth.  Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?”  

“No,” the man said, “Actually I just heard about it and ...”

“All right,” said Socrates. “So you don’t really know if it’s true or not. Now let’s try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?”

“No, on the contrary…”

“So,” Socrates continued, “you want to tell me something bad about him, but you’re not certain it’s true.  You may still pass the test though, because there’s one filter left: the filter of Usefulness.  Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?”

“No, not really …”

“Well,” concluded Socrates, “if what you want to tell me is neither true, nor good, nor even useful... why tell it to me at all?”

The Two Wolves

A young boy came to his Grandfather, filled with anger at another boy who had done him an injustice.  The old Grandfather said to his grandson, "Let me tell you a story. I too, at times, have felt a great hate for those that have taken so much, with no sorrow for what they do.  But hate wears you down, and hate does not hurt your enemy.  Hate is like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die.  I have struggled with these feelings many times."

"It is as if there are two wolves inside me; one wolf is good and does no harm.  He lives in harmony with all around him and does not take offense when no offense was intended.  He will only fight when it is right to do so, and in the right way.  But the other wolf, is bad and full of anger.  The littlest thing will set him into a fit of temper."  "He fights everyone, all the time, for no reason.  He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great. It is helpless anger, because his anger will change nothing.  Sometimes it is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, because both of the wolves try to dominate my spirit."

The boy looked intently into his Grandfather's eyes and asked, "Which wolf will win, Grandfather?"  The Grandfather smiled and said, "The one I feed." 

Berg Family Update

Several folks have asked what we’re up to… So if that’s not you, I guess you can just ‘like’ this status because you’re in the know!

After leaving NBC in July, we became “professional” vacationers, not really on purpose just a lot of very cool opportunities fell in our lap.  This was amazing not only for the fun times but because one of our main goals for this new season was to turn in as a family and spend lots of time together. 

More recently I took a part-time job with Bixby High School to serve coaches and encourage student-athletes with the Spartan Code (also referred to as #DISC), a leadership curriculum I originally put together for the football team.  I also started taking more speaking opportunities, specifically sharing the ’10 Things You should know about Teens& Tweens’ seminar with schools, churches and even libraries.  Because of these two very cool opportunities and a couple more we are working on but can’t announce publically yet, we have created ‘Surge Leadership.’  This, prayerfully, will be a 501c3 that will umbrella several cool ministry opportunities and also be a beacon of leadership passionately seeking to help change the world. 

As for the rest of the crew… the kids are hopefully beginning to settle in at their new school: Holy Family.  This transition was a combination of a need for a full-day PreK and an incredible offer.  Courtney received that offer, “that she couldn’t refuse,” from Murphy-Francy Law, which just so happens to be two blocks from the kids new school.  Thus, God has been, and is, so good and so faithful, even in the midst of our doubts. 

Thank you to so many who have prayed for us and checked in with us…we cannot even begin to tell you how valuable those texts, calls and cards are to us.  Change is always hard and moving in a new direction is scary, especially when, at first, it appears to be so different from the previous decade.  We are so excited for what we feel is a God led direction and focus.  Please continue to pray for us and if you are looking for more to do, please go ‘like’ and even ‘share’ the new page: Surge Leadership!!  More exciting news to come…

DDW- the Berg clan

www.surgeberg.com 

Jeff, Courtney, Jackson, Creighton and Charleigh

101 Reasons I Love My Wife

- Her smile (specifically cheeks)
- Her heart
- Her transparency in life
- Her passion to Christ
- Her loyalty to others
- Her commitment to me
- Her discipline to be better
- Her vulnerability with me
- Her leadership of others
- Her drive to compete 
- Her intentionality with the kids
- Her willingness to love me
- Her willingness to serve me
- Her look when she's flirting
- Her look when she's mad
- Her desire to be held
- Her need for me
- Her allowing me to lead
- Her encouragement of me
- Her love for her family
- Her family
- Her love of my family
- Her athletic ability 
- Her voice when she's sad
- Her voice when she's happy
- Her laugh
- Her "brown" hair
- Her butt
- Her ability to lead in any situation
- Her desire to know the kids
- Her frustration of running late
- Her word
- Her excitement for candy 
- Her passion
- Her faithfulness to me
- Her deep blue eyes
- Her passion for adoption
- Her sneezes 
- Her smile when she's mad
- Her frustration yet love for the dog
- Her making up words to songs
- Her focus of things I miss
- Her spelling ability 
- Her direction 
- Her sense of humor
- Her desire for deep friendships
- Her friendship to me
- Her ability to bear everyone
- Her competitive edge 
- Her love of excel spreadsheets 
- Her giggle that turns to laughs
- Her "coke bottle" glasses
- Her habit of leaving tags on the floor
- Her slow creep to the middle of the bed 
- Her work ethic
- Her middle toe
- Her commitment to run
- Her love of sleep
- Her love of darkness
- Her traveling "procedures"
- Her willingness to listen
- Her need to feel safe
- Her trust of other people
- Her discernment
- Her voice of reason for me
- Her constant attention to detail
- Her go-getter spirit 
- Her soft tshirts
- Her dancing
- Her desire to make me happy
- Her honesty with herself
- Her willpower to win
- Her ability to be just about everyone 
- Her hair when it has "The wave"
- Her excitement when she has a surprise 
- Her inability to not be surprised
- Her need to raise the bar
- Her education
- Her life experiences 
- Her lack of need of me
- Her need of me
- Her mental toughness 
- Her singing to the kids
- Her apologies 
- Her hesitancy to use bad words
- Her lack of remembering
- Her pride in seeing the kids
- Her prayers for the future 
- Her job
- Her lack of finding a trash can
- Her finishing attitude
- Her resolve to never quit 
- Her belief in me
- Her healthy fears
- Her need for speed
- Her willingness to follow 
- Her strong shoulders
- Her physical toughness
- Her confidence she gives me
- Her courage when she has to
- Her Love 

#HappyAnniversary

To React or to Respond... That is the question

My wife is not only an accomplished volleyball player but she played and coached Division 1 (Go Golden Hurricane) for many years.  Knowing this about my wife is one thing, but finding out in-person is another.  One day several years ago I made the mistake to go "play" some volleyball with her and a group of old players.  I was not too concerned upon arrival knowing I myself was a college athlete and had picked up a few things from watching friends compete in volleyball at school.  Don't get too ahead of me here!!!  It only took two solid "blocks" with my face before I really wanted to know the difference in what my wife was shouting: "You have to respond Jeff... You keep reacting!"  

To me, the average guy, I saw the hitter go up and I embraced for impact... At best I kept my eyes open and once the ball was hit tried to move my arms high enough to return the hit.  This however, is Not responding but only reacting.  What Courtney was trying to tell me was you have to read what they are wanting to do and adjust accordingly.  From years of preparation and practice she was able to determine not just who was going to hit the ball but where it would be hit once it came off the hitters hand!  She took into consideration: who was on the court, how many blockers were at the net, which way her hips were facing, what she had done several plays earlier, etc.  And so in responding she was able to "dig" or return virtually every hit by our opponents... As long as I got my face out of the way!! 

In parenting I see a perfect parallel for us think on...  

Let me paint a quick picture for you:  It's 12:27am and you've called and texted a half a dozen times but have heard nothing.  You have your spouse call your phone to make sure it is working properly.  You check the news to see if there was any big accidents and are just getting ready to text their best friend when... "I'm so sorry!!  I didn't see that you called until just now when I was walking in!!  Can I just have a second, okay third, chance"

How many times have you had this conversation?  Are you being that strict!?  All you are asking for is a simple phone call or even text if you're going to be running late, is that too much to ask!?  What if...

Do you React or Respond?

Are you prepared to respond?  I bet when you think about it you can see some common behaviors that have surfaced.  I bet you can probably guess that at some point the boundaries will be tested (and probably already have).  I bet you can even predict that some choices change depending on who they are with and what they went out to do.

"Reacting is based on emotion, which we all know is rampant when dealing with a teenager.  

We Respond to the situation when we step back from the emotion and take a moment to think through what is really going on.  It’s not easy!  Parents, the secret is out. The map to your “buttons” has been published, and your teen will push them…Repeatedly!!  But we do our own share of pushing, don’t we?  You know what makes your teenager crazy and sometimes, just sometimes, it feels really good to give them a good share of their own medicine.  At least for a moment, until we realize we have done exactly what we are trying to teach them NOT to do!" (by ParentMinistry.net)

Three quick things to consider when rewiring ourselves to Respond:

• Discipline is about Training not about Punishment... It's not just to remember the ouch but the why.  Know why you said no. If it doesn’t make sense, have the courage to retract it.  Second chances are always necessary when it comes to our teens.  Grace always gives a redo. Give yourself grace too.
• Breathing… it gives you a moment to lower your blood pressure.  The part of our teen’s brain that controls reasoning is still underdeveloped at this point.  They use a different part of the brain geared towards instinctual decisions or risk taking.  Peer pressure is a large influence in our teen’s decisions.  At this point of our teen’s development, they are trying to become independent of us.
• Develop Contracts for the major occasions (Cell Phone, Driving, etc.)  Clearly communicate the expectations and consequences, as well as, the desires of both the parent and the teenager.  Make a plan for when trust is broken, so that it can be restored allowing the relationship between parent and teenager to grow.  Agree together ahead of time how to handle the unexpected events. 

"Your teen’s personality can play a large part of how they respond to certain situations. Some are sensitive and appear not to react outwardly.  But that doesn’t mean a thing. Inwardly they could be screaming at you.  Some teens are passionately vocal.  They are very certain you know exactly how they feel.  They all deserve our respect and guidance.  Reacting is easy, responding isn’t.  Responding shows your teen that you love them enough to stop for a moment and make sure what you are saying or doing is based on truth and not emotion.  Reacting can be a really selfish act.  We want to get our point across at all costs.  Sometimes the cost is just a little too high.  It can cost the trust our teens have in us.  Can your teen trust that you will respond and not react to any given situation.  Have the courage to ask your teen if you respond or react and then give them permission to tell you how they wish you would handle these situations.  It takes a brave and humble parent to realize that before we can teach our teens this concept maybe we should learn it for ourselves!" (by ParentMinistry.net)

For some of us resolving conflict in a healthy way is difficult because of our own baggage growing up.  Perhaps you were raised in a home that had a “take no prisoners” mentality when it came to conflict.  Win at all costs was the name of the game.  You learned early on that your job was to watch your own back, defend yourself, and never back down... But if you are willing to develop new habits and value loving more than being declared right, then your whole family wins!!

**If you are interested in my personal three-hour training of the '10 Things YOU Should Know About Teens & Tweens' please e-mail me for a FREE copy of the manuel and video link!!

**Follow Jeff, also known as "surgeberg" on: Facebook, Twitter & Instagram

Children See... Children Do!!

Disclaimer: This video is an actual ad that was ran in Australia and is very real. There is no language but there is some hard scenarios, please do NOT watch with your children!

Can I ask you a couple questions:
- How did this commercial make you feel?
- What was the most offensive part of the video to you?
- Why is a kid giving someone "the finger" often more offensive than the domestic abuse?

Bad News: Jesus said, "And if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a large millstone tied around his neck."  

Good News: Jesus said, “Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me.”

Full Context: Mark 9:35-50

We have a very unique and high calling as parents and leaders. 

May we live to honor Him and lead our kids in humble obedience!! 

I don't think I want to say much more, instead just let it sink in... 
AND let's discuss in the comments below!! 

Really... A gum commercial!?

So there I was minding my own business when this commercial came on (It takes one minute):

In case the video doesn't start above: Click Here

I KNOW RIGHT!!!  How did that gum commercial make me cry!?  If it didn't, you have no soul (or maybe you just don't have a daughter yet)!!  For me, this video hits the very core of what I want as a parent: to see our kids grow healthy and strong.  We want to be there and we want them to remember those times as much as we will.  

I don't have much this week but a couple questions I'd love for you to answer to yourself:

• How much time have you spent with your son or daughter this week?
• Have you been able to carve out some one-on-one time this month?
• Did you get a chance to just sit with them at the bookend times (breakfast or bedtime)?

"Family"...the new selling point

A couple of weeks back I posted a commercial from Extra (Yeah, the gum company) that I think "nails it" in the world of family ministry.  Without a doubt it nails something inside me to what I want with my girls (See the whole post here).  In fact last night I got to go on another Daddy-Daughter Date with my two beautiful girls.  I wasn't planning on going on one this week but I received an e-mail from Chili's saying they were hosting a "Daddy-Daughter Night Out" including dessert, a picture with frame and necklace for the girls... FOR FREE!!!  A pastor can't pass that up.  

As we were having our fun little evening out I saw on a nearby TV a commercial that articulated exactly what I was trying to create right then (I'll come back to it).  In fact in the past several weeks I have seen a bunch of commercials that are selling the same thing... Family!!  Why are so many companies using "family" to tug at our heart strings (I can literally give you over a dozen "family focused" ads from the past year... "Prove it" you say,send me an e-mail and I'll hook you up with links)?  Is it working?  Is there something going on in our culture, a shift to new (or lost) priorities?  


I believe we are living in an exciting time.  A time where choices will matter again.  A time where family (and not just mom, dad and 2.5 kids) is something that must be apart of our culture.  A community of folks who love each other, share life together, play together and hopefully push our kids to a higher standard of living (relational wealth vs. financial wealth).  The crazy thing is this vision isn't "new", in fact its been around for a very long time.  TheTorah puts it this way: 

"Listen, Israel! The Eternal is our True God—He alone. You should love Him, your True God, with all your heart and soul, with every ounce of your strength.  Make the things I’m commanding you today part of who you are.  Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you’re sitting together in your home and when you’re walking together down the road. Make them the last thing you talk about before you go to bed and the first thing you talk about the next morning.  Do whatever it takes to remember them: tie a reminder on your hand and bind a reminder on your forehead where you’ll see it all the time, such as on the doorpost where you cross the threshold or on the city gate." (Translation from 'The Voice')

Two practical questions pop out to me in the above text:

• Am I "being" the example I want to see in my children?
• Am I taking the time to "do whatever it takes" to help them remember?

Back to the commercial that sparked everything for me this week...

In one minute, some business nails both principles we stated above: Be & Remember.  This should be more than a deep desire for us but something we put at the top of our 'things to do' list!  Consequentially this commercial also gives what could be our purpose statement at NBFamilies: "We know we are not the center of your life, but we will do our best to help you connect to what is"

I believe if you're taking time out of your day to read a blog about family you're probably already doing some of the above mentioned.  But our hope and prayer is that we as a community would embrace 'being a disciple of Christ' first and then looking for ways that our children would remember (Faith Talks, Faith Walks & Faith Mission).  May the passion for our family overflow beyond just us and impact the entire community we call New Beginnings (and our city, country, world)!!  

Don't Stop... Start!!

Two weeks ago I had finally had it.  I have now been "retired" from football for over a decade yet my eating habits had never changed.  Over the years I was able to stay fairly active and thus keep that weight down to some what 'in control.'  However, these past few years have really gotten the best of me... Kids, Work, Blah, Blah, Blah and I when I finally got on the scale it was appalling (and for the sake of accountability, I'll just tell you: 263lbs!!).  

For years I have known it was a problem and even knew it was dangerous for future living.  Though at times I have dropped weight it was never a change in my lifestyle just a diet.  But before you stop reading thinking this is about weight loss give me a few more sentences.  I read an article this week that made me angry!  I didn't get angry because it was "spinning the facts" or because it was about some poor kids in a far off country... I was angry because it was calling me out!!

"They observed 55 caregivers eating with at least one child in fast-food restaurants. Forty of those caregivers used a mobile device during the meal... primary focus of the caregiver’s attention and engagement was with the device rather than the child...Caregivers absorbed in devices frequently ignored the child’s behavior for a while and then reacted with a scolding tone of voice" Read more from the article here

Ouch!!  I don't know if I'm alone on this (according to the article I am not) but this one hit close to home.  BUT... I only check a couple e-mails at dinner or return that important text, I really wanted to show my wife something funny I saw or finish my highest score ever on Doodle Jump (that was for Phil & Sankie), I'll just turn the ringer off, what if it's an emergency... Bottom line:  I've known it was an issue for some time!!  Like my eating habits combined with my lack of exercise and time, it was taking it's toll.  After taking some time to think about it I came across this article: Be an Involved Father (by Carey Casey).  What I loved about it was not only the ideas but that it wasn't about "stopping the phone use."  In the same way diets hardly work, just dropping my phone for the next 30-days wasn't going to fix the bigger issue.  It has to be a lifestyle change or you will simply revert back to life after the "diet" is over!!

Here are the great suggestions from the article (and there are a bunch more from the comments):    

1. Reading. This can be a time of closeness, sharing new ideas and making your child feel special. It’s an especially great way to end the day.
2. Mealtime. Don’t stop at traditional dinners; picnics, carryout pizza or Sunday brunch can add to the togetherness. Maybe it’s time to get out that old fondue pot you got as a wedding gift twenty years ago.
3. Physical affection. When you walk in the door after work, make sure you get hugs from everyone—and that means everyone. (Even if you have to hunt them down in the basement or back yard.)
4. Playing games. What better way to encourage your kids’ imagination, physical and mental prowess, and a healthy spirit of competition? That includes peek-a-boo with an infant, whiffle ball in the back yard or a family chess tournament.
5. Chores and errands. Everyday chores help a child define his place in the family, give him an opportunity to contribute, and provide another opportunity to spend time together. And those day-to-day trips to the store can become priceless times with Dad.
6. Cooking. Get the whole family working on a meal, and then enjoy the results.
7. Taking pictures. Family photographs are a great way to mark and then remember events for years to come. Some kids dread it when the camera comes out, but strive to make it fun; see who can do the most hilarious things in front of a camera.
8. Storytelling. Looking through old photos and videos can lead to some great stories about your youth, your parents and grandparents. Or tell your kids a made-up story where they’re one of the characters. (Or read a story together.)
9. Family outings. This can be a drive into the country to see the cows or a full-blown vacation to Yellowstone. Don’t get so caught up in the destination that you forget to enjoy the trip. And remember, a low-budget camping weekend can mean more to your kids than a trip to Hawaii.
10. Spiritual activities. Praying together, attending church, and family devotions can become unique and priceless rituals. Also, find ways to put it into action—like organizing the family to volunteer somewhere or gather clothes for a homeless shelter.

Big picture moment: 
The point isn't "STOP using the phone" but "START being a dad"!!

Update on the "family" side: My family and I had a wonderful mini-vacation this week in Oklahoma City... I don't always get it right but I did turn the phone off for two days and fished, played in a pool, went to a museum, cuddled, saw grandparents, ran around a playground... It was amazing!!  I hope you can find some time to do the same this spring!!

Update on the "diet" side: Court & I are entered to run a Spartan Beast, November 1st in the Dallas area.  If you are brave enough, we would love to see you there... Sign up here!!  Our team name is "With This or Upon This!"  For you history buffs, this is what spartan women and parents told their soldiers before heading off to battle (Come back victorious or die trying).  We're not crazy... It just has to be more than a diet!! 

Just another story...

The following takes place between 4:00p and 5:00p... events occur in real time 

(Don't know that reference, not only did I just shed a tear, you need to click on this link):

"How was school" I said like every other day when picking up the kids.  "Great, I had a good day" said the oldest with a grin.  "That's awesome, how about you baby?"  "Goooood..." she said while continuing to color on the work of art she had started while waiting in the gym.  "You know what I think would be awesome, we should go get slushies," I said.  "Why?" exclaimed both big kids in unison but a squeal of joy from the youngest.  "Because it's Thursday!" I said with a smirk.  "That doesn't make sense," comments the oldest.  "I just want to bless my beautiful family," I responded. 

9 minutes later... 

"What do you guys want to drink?" I said, expecting a quick response but not prepared for what was to follow.  "Do we have to get a slushie?" asked one.  "What flavors are there" responded another, I guess assuming they changed from the last time we came.  "RED Flushie!!!" shouted the youngest, with confidence.  "No...Tons...Got it!" I said, knowing full well they wouldn't know what I was talking about.  "So Dad, can I get ice-cream with oreos?" asked the oldest.  "Yes sir, thanks for asking buddy!" I said.  "I want what I got last time" commented the middle.  "Alright cool..." extending finger to push the button.  "WAAAAAIT... I WANT TO PUSH THE BUTTON" all three said in a mashing of words.  "I'm going to push it and make the order this time, if that's okay?" I said, secretly praying this would save us from an inevitable fight and noticing we missed 'Happy-Hour' by literally a minute.

12 minutes later...

"DAD!!  This is taking forever" complained the oldest, "You should push the button again and complain."  "Yes, God I'll take that set-up," I thought to myself.  "Buddy what did you do for your drink?"  Looking puzzled, he responded with a solid "Huh!?"  Giving it another shot, I continued: "Are you using your money to buy your snack?  Are you inside making it in the blender?  How long would it take you to make it and then clean-up your mess?"  "Hours!!" he said, I think expecting a laugh.  "Exactly, so shouldn't we just be patient and thankful for this blessing and not angry it's taking longer than we thought?"  "Yes," said muffled since his head was now rested on his arms.  "I'm waiting pashantly Daddy" said the youngest with enthusiasm.  "Thanks baby-girl," trying not to smile too big to anger the oldest yet noticing the masterpiece of art the middle was diligently still working on. 

6 more minutes later...

"Okay.... Dad, you have to admit this is getting ridiculous," extending arms to the ceiling for full effect. "Buddy, it's all good."  "Have you paid already with your card, if not we could just go," he said.  Stunned a little by his observation to the payment method I responded, "I did pay and I think this is a good lesson in pa....."  KNOCK KNOCK, "I've got a small cherry slush, a small strawberry slush and..... I'm sorry, I think that was supposed to be a small sonic blast with oreo, so I'm sorry about that,"  as the server hands me a LARGE blast with oreo.  With a smile exploding his face, the oldest sat in anticipation of his gift directly from the gods!  "Also," said the car hop "here are some tokens for some free limeades the next time you are in, we are so sorry about your wait."  "Thank you," I responded excited about this incredible moment to teach a life lesson.  "Now buddy... though you did nothing for it and even were impatient while waiting for what you felt you deserved, you were given something even better than you thought... Do you really deserve this?"  With his smile faded his arm met the ice-cream with a solid stiff-arm explaining: "I don't deserve it."  "Are you sure," I said not only surprised but frustrated that this massive blast was now melting and going to waste.  "Yes," he said.  Unknowing what to say, I spouted: "It's okay to eat your snack, in fact, I think you should or you'll be wasting money now."  Yes, I blew it!!  "DAD...DAD...DADDY... HELP!!!!!" exclaimed while the middle handed a slush that drained on her, me, the seats, my phone until I could get it out the window, all the while not hitting oncoming cars.  "WAIT, DON'T THROW IT OUT" yelled the youngest, whose apparent drink it was after sticking her straw through the bottom.  "Never again," I thought to myself now holding a broken cup out the window, sticking to everything and I think headed in the right direction for home!!

After days of distance from the incident, and counseling, here's a couple thoughts:

• Faith Moments happen when we are looking for them
• Faith Moments aren't always successful (or so we think)
• Faith Moments only take moments of our time but will be remembered forever
• Faith Moments can teach us just as much as our kids

P.S. My oldest did end up eating part of his ice-cream after sharing it with others.  And thanked God for "getting to go to Sonic and getting a bigger blast than I ordered when I didn't deserve it" when he prayed that night before bed.